Dear God,
I will not bore you, with such things
you have heard, so many times before
though as a child, I have walked in your footsteps;
looking up ^
I didn’t notice… you had sidestepped around
the hole I would fall into,
this place; I call hell
please God!
turn around for a moment;
and see…
one of your children is missing
that child,
…is me
Author notes
Dear God...It's me
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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I loved this. I think you did an excellent job with the emotion in this, though I thought the imagery could be more. I hate to do this because you did such an excellent job, but the contest was for a letter written in prose form. I am going to leave this up until tomorrow night. You can either revise or, if not, I will remove it from the contest and you can enter a separate piece that fits the requirements. Either way, I would be delighted if you remained in the contest.
Thanks for entering.
Write on.
~*~SP~*~
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wow...First..I love the title of this...the ! really draws the readers in...Second..I love how you begin this poem.. "Dear God," and the way you end this poem "...is me" Third..I like the thought you put into this..the looking up^ was quite a creative touch..and I love the description you have in the 3rd stanza..."I didn’t notice… you had sidestepped around
the hole I would fall into"...that sounds very true...very real...something that prob. strikes home to a lot of people..I like this write..because it moves me...Bravo!
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This one definitely caught me.
Powerful and moving.
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I love this poem.
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for you warmest
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oh but he saw
he just wanted you to be alert that he is there,
hell on earth is a place we wait to be welcomed to his holy kingdom, your not ready yet!!
lovely but sad
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really, i like it. liked it alot. well written
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I love it!
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This is so sad
The ending tugged at my heart, I loved this though, I think some can relate I know I can. Thanks for your comment on my piece, and good luck in the contest!
Blessings,
~Michaela~
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so sad
the ending ripped me apart...I love this!!!! -
I really like this. Your presentation is nice as well. On a personal note, the only thing I "dislike" is God not being capitalized in your second single line, "please god-"
Best to you in the contest.
Sam
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all fixed sammy
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MIA
Don't think so
He is right there inside your big heart
beautifully written
you know I love this one
so great
God bless you my friend...
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Perfect
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You're in good company down in the deep pit. Me too. Or so it seems. I like this. It admits to trying to walk the strait and narrow,falling into the wrong place innocently. And asking for that lost feeling to be taken note of.
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that was very cute, i do hope you win.
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