Wandering alone for so long
Hiding amongst the many
Feeling low with the few
Slowly slipping and giving up
Pushed up and down
Frustrated antagonized
Reached out and forgot
Forsaken and tossed out
Everything pushing me
To this edge one last time
Hurting and alone
I'm slipping away
One more time
Forgotten one last day
Rain beating down upon my face
Shouldn't worry about this
The things inside of my head
Telling me to hold on again
Run for my life!
Pushing and pulling
And soon cornered
One last pull
And surrender no!
Aim high
Shut me up
Kick me down
Bring me low
Pull for the last time
Push me to the edge
And watch it all go
Boom
Author notes
http://i10.photobucket.com/albums/a127/soulessrobin/cool%20backgrounds/e61c252f7534511d.jpg
A contest entry
- Unintentionally Dispicable... by Lady Patricia.
826 points, ended February 10, 7 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
-
Wow intence great job loved it exspecialy verse 6 great job
-
I like the emotion in the poem. It's really expressive, and shows the frustration of the speaker excellently. I like the way that the wording isn't too simple, nor too complicated. Showing a way with words whilst not trying to be overly complacent in your word use. A good balance that is difficult to achieve.
Though, I'm going to criticize you on your punctuation (or lack thereof). I think that a little bit more punctuation could really emphasize the best parts of this poem, and make it so much better than it already is.
Well done. This is written well. You should be proud of yourself.
-
-
THANK YOU AERIS! Lol. And about the lack of punctuation, not being nitpicky or anything, as I know you're swamped with comments and everything. Lol. But, you know me, if I don't have punctuation, there's probably a reason for it. Lol. And I am proud of myself! *GLEE!* Lol. *Hyper*
-
-
Meh. You have the right to your opinion, I have the right to mine, and I think the punctuation would make it better. But you know me, I'm stubborn. I'm not a poetry expert, so take the comment with a pinch of salt.
-
-
Lol. I wasn't trying to be all rawr. Lol. And you do have your own opinion, lol. And I do believe you are close to being a poetry expert. Lol. The review was very well dictated. Lol. You go Aeris!
-
-
XDD I know you too well to think you'd go all rawr on me. Because you know I'd fly over there and kick your ass.
And, I'm no expert, but thanks anyway. I don't see the point in just writing "LOL YOUR POEM WAS GOOD!" and leaving it at that. I mean, how does that help the poet to grow? >.<
-
-
Lol. So true, so true! Lol. And I'd probably give you the legal advice needed to get out of trouble too! Lol. And true again, comments like that do not help poets to grow.
-
-
-
-
-
-
The flow of this is nice, it's... it's kind of painful to read - not because its badly written but because I feel kind of.. like someones jabbing me in my chest.
it's almost like a panic. Your lines are simple your stanzas are sharp and straight to the point. it doesnt feel 'overdone' or 'undercooked' (so to speak)
I have to say, it really strikes me as truly powerful writing when I reach the below stanza.
"
Aim high
Shut me up
Kick me down
Bring me low
"
That is... startling and oddly raw even though its not grotesque in some shape or form. Its just -- It feels real.
I dig this poem and as I am judging this poem now.
Welcome to the finalists. ^__^
Lad -
-
Thank you. I appreciate the Silver. And I appreciate your great review! Thanks again!
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 9 of 9
