--> Whenever I'm afraid I laugh, because I know the person who is hurting me is doing the same.
--> Whenever I have sex I make sure it makes me feel bad, because I think I deserve it.
--> I wish I was still innocent. So much so, it makes me cry most days.
--> I love the sound of hoovers, they make me fall asleep. My Mum says it must remind me of the sound of the womb.
--> I live regretting often, but still wouldn't change anything as I believe everything happens for a reason.
--> I believe I deserve to get raped.
--> I actually enjoy filling out forms.
--> I work well under pressure... I almost like it.
--> My favourite thing to do sometimes is just walk in the rain.
--> I hate my sister so much, but I would never let anything really bad happen to her. I don't have the capability to hate and I'm seen a lot of bad things.
--> My ex is a pedophile, a rapist, he has beaten up countless guys, has an attitude problem, controlled me and threatened to hurt me... But I still could never truly wish him dead and would pull him out of a housefire. I also love him somewhat, because once you have loved someone I believe you can't completely stop.
--> Sometimes I wish I couldn't feel anything at all, it would make my life easier as I forgive and love too much.
--> I hate the fact I can't hate people... Because I'm told some people are worthy of it.
--> As a young teenager, I liked making others feel afraid of me, because I for once felt in control and it excited me.
--> I get pleasure from reading about murders, rapes and violence in crime books. But I hate someone really getting hurt.
--> I love blood, it fascinates me.
--> I used to believe I wasn't human. I think I had a temporary psychosis, or at least something like it, for about a year or so. I believed I was evil and wouldn't go near any churches or the like. Partly due to the fact I seem to be able to control peoples fate without words. Thinking harm on someone, it seems to happen. I don't know why. It still creeps me out to this day.
--> I can look after myself, but I don't want to have to hurt anyone. But I have a raw fierce side nobody really wants to see, as it's hard to be tamed.
--> All I want is to just be loved...but most of the time I just get abuse. So I expect if I have sex with a guy, he will give me love. That is our bargain. If I don't give him sex, he has a right to hurt me.
--> I fear going mad, or being in a mental asylum or the like. I fear losing control and this is why I don't like surrealistic (if that's a word) things; it's why I would never take real strong drugs, as fear loss of control and turning insane and one reason I feared my ex was due to the fact I thought if I hung around him enough, I'd turn into him. I also fear things twisted especially cartoons, puppet shows and the like that are made to look like they are light hearted, but they have a sinister undertone. Such as Punch & Judy and Salad Fingers. TERRIFIED.
--> To go along with the last one... If I fear something, I will actively go near it, approach it etc. Fear excells me and excites me. The more danger or chance of pain, the more worthwhile it seems to be. I sat watching Salad Fingers the other day, sweating and my chest heaving, fearing I'd turn out like that and the surrealistic, odd feeling I got afterwards was euphoric.
--> I fear what I've wrote here is terribly abnormal. I know I'm abnormal, but I enjoy it.
In a list
A contest entry
- Postsecret by SceneQueen.
550 points, ended April 1, 26 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - PostSecret. by ladybug..
400 points, ended September 6, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
.
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
-
Wow
Well, I too, am incapable of hate. I think that no one DESERVES to get raped. I also believe people should be treating you better cause every person deserves care and happiness, darkness only ever brings darkness it is in giving that a person is most likely to recieve. It sounds like you have come across a lot of guys who don't appreciate and care for you like they should and no, you don't have to give them sex unless YOU are ready to share that with them. Abnormal is actually incredibly normal so don't be so afraid of being different but I do think you have gone through an aweful lot and maybe need a friend to talk to. I do wish you all the best and if you do want to message me, feel free to do so.
-
I came to your entry via a link in your contests. I read them and you have my empathy. I struggle with words when I write this.... I understand what you wrote, I would not dare say I understand your feelings. I do not feel that I can do a poem for your contest. I don't think that I could do your contest justice.
I hope that posting this has helped you. I will try another contest in the future.
Take good care of yourself.
Mike
-
I agree with what the others below have said. Rape is a selfish, violent, evil act, and no one deserves it. Especially not you. You are such a beautiful poet, a lovely young lady with a heap of talent to bring to the table, and I know it's hard to accept sometimes, but there are people who love you. Just look at what some of these guys have written... We wouldn't say these things if we didn't care. It really is harder to accept that someone loves you than it is to accept that they don't.
PS: I HATE Salad Fingers. I had nightmares about it for AGES! Blood, guts, gore... bring 'em on! SF just messes with the mind in a way that makes my heart stop... & I have a cast-iron stomach :S Eek! A purely-personal vendetta
s and 
es for you sweetie 
-
p.s i totally agree with she stole my voice.
no one and i mean NO ONE deserves to be raped. just remember that.. -
-
I know I was stupid, but retrospect is a good word but rarely listened to. I wish no great harm on him, the police will deal with him reported him today actually... I would never wish death on him but I'd never go back there as he too disgusted me.
What do you mean 'even you' ? lol it sounds like your saying, 'well if anyone would deserve it, it would be you but you don't either' lol, sounds harsh.
Very sensetive today, 'pologise.
-
-
My ex is a pedophile, a rapist, he has beaten up countless guys, has an attitude problem, controlled me and threatened to hurt me... But I still could never truly wish him dead and would pull him out of a housefire. I also love him somewhat, because once you have loved someone I believe you can't completely stop.
when i read this i wanted to hug you. my ex was a pedophile too and he disgusted me with it and how he talked about it but kept saying he would never do it again. i dont know.. i was insane and lonley but stupid for trusting him. im not saying your stupid and it isnt bad to be forgiving but he is your ex for a reason. just thank god your not around him anymore. thank you for opening up like this <3
-
<3 <3 <3 you are in need of some real love. So many of your secrets match up to my own (even if i didn't post them all because I shove them so far back in my head so I won't remember)<3 <3 <3
i wish i could hate as well.
-
you dont deserved to be raped doll♥ no one deserves thatm and the rapists that do need to have their dicks removed painfully and slowly...
-
"I believe I deserve to get raped. "
the only people who deserve to get raped are rapists.
not you.
♥ -
Wow not these were some powerfull ones. I like the last one the best. I wont try to tell you that you dont deserve somthing cause i know i wont be the one to change your mind but know your not alone :]
Adding your comment:
1 - 10 of 10
