Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

The Ache in The Ventilation

How many happy predictions have wasted into dust...?
Certainly more than have braved the seasons.

Indeed it is a night like this one, always,
when you're draped head aches,
dull and draining,
reverberating through your muscle and skin.

Is it a hallucination? ...or is this really about to be...
the point of

NO RETURN

... the one and only
one
way
crossroad.

Gasping thinly at the air
and stretching eyes to open,
finds Direction and Decision
un-reached

… … … … …
… … …
… … … … … … …
… …

the clock struck twelve - loud and echoic
reverberating
a long time ago...

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 7 of 7

  • Jade Rain
    June 12

    Edit | Reply
    How many happy predictions have wasted into dust...?
    Certainly more than have braved the seasons.

    I very, very much like this phrase. This observation. I like your mind, methinks.


  • SheWasPreternatural
    June 5

    Edit | Reply

    simple yet honest

    The title fits oddly well with this piece... i thought the contrast of the two would clash dramatically.... but it blended better than expected.

    For a strange reason, as i was reading... Andrew Lloyd Weber's The Phantom of the opera popped into my head.. i think it was because of this line "Is it a hallucination? ...or is this really about to be... the point of NO RETURN" - it flowed like the song did.

    I did in fact however spot a typo >>> "How many happy predictions have wasted into dust...? Certainly more than (should be>) 'half have' braved the seasons." -or you could do- "How many happy predictions have wasted into dust...? Certainly (no 'than' here) more have braved the seasons." Other then that minor detail... (unless you intended it to read that way- if so it's still superb, do what you do) i thought it was an excellent piece, it didnt hold a deep meaning for me... but more like an evitability. Not so much like a train of thoughts... but an innate knowledge. well done. - T


  • ears2hearyou gold member
    May 4

    Edit | Reply
    love the title and verses!
    I remember reading your rant....you have a powerful
    voice in you....we can hear it's power,
    strength and ache!
    natural poetic abilities!
    ears/Seattle


  • Mandy Pants
    February 18

    Edit | Reply
    jon, you clearly wrote this for me, in response to what i went thru this weekend. i couldnt have written it better myself. i know this is YOUR poem, but i can relate more than i can express


  • Rya
    February 11

    Edit | Reply
    I'm sick of waiting too...i know the feeling of wishing things would just get better or just be different...although...i had to read it twice to understand it...it could just be me not paying attention...but overall it was a pretty good write...keep on writing...it's good for you.


  • Xx.Toxic.xX
    February 10

    Edit | Reply
    wow, sounds to me like you're tired of waiting and wishing for things to happen. like you want to let go of something but it's hard to manage. good work.


  • rinzurajan
    February 10

    Edit | Reply
    i found the poem vague...but on second thoughts ur sick of hoping for things and wrote this...

    sincere effort...

1 - 7 of 7