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Circles and Slashes

Peace is merely a symbol
  of what the world could be
      just a circle and some slashes
        morphed into a recognizable pattern

But is there every really peace?
  when else where there is pain
      is there ever really perfection?
        when else where there is devastation

No, I don't think peace can actually exist
  in a world as convoluted as our own
      where a plump old man
          can walk by a poor dying child, and only mumble
              poor thing, but never do anything to change his fate

When a simple political argument
  can claim the lives of so many
    and when segregation, and discrimination
        are still prominent in society

No, there never will be peace, because
  peace is merely a symbol
      of what the world could be
        just a circle and some slashes
            morphed into a recognizable shape
 




     
 


A contest entry

Please tell me what you like, what you hate, and what you think I should change.

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 16 of 16

  • Daniela Violin silver member
    June 19

    Edit | Reply

    JUDGED!

    This is not from April, I specifically asked for National Poetry Month (April) Poems. I'm dqing this but I'll give you a chance to submit something else if you'd like as the contest is still open.


  • Hello...No.One.Home silver member
    March 12

    Edit | Reply
    I like this, it has emotion that just pounds into the readers heart as they read word for word

    A wonderful write and I wish you all the best in the contest.

    Kate

  • Guapia
    March 8
    Edit | Reply
    I like this poem, the title really fits in with the idea, without giving it away -very clever- but I feel some parts lose their metre in place for making a point, stanza three for example, could be improved with shortening the lines somehow..

    Thank you for entering!


  • fairytalelovestory
    February 27
    Edit | Reply
    good luck


  • Jaffa-
    February 21

    Edit | Reply
    Could you please tell me which option this fits into?
    I really liked the idea behind this and it was a very creative write. Thank you for the entry xo


  • Lady Michaella
    February 20

    Edit | Reply
    wow!!!! this is fantastic... very well written... great job with this one

    Thanks for entering my contest,
    and best of luck!

    Your judge,
    -Lemon Bee-


  • YesterdaysDreams
    February 17
    Edit | Reply
    it is depressing, gives one much room for thought. Good luck in the contest!


  • TwoFacedPsycho
    February 13

    Edit | Reply
    I like it. It's depressing, because I myself am a hippie, but still good. I'm not the only one who thinks of world peace as a mythical fantasy! Yea! Thanks for the entry.


  • Swangrnv gold member
    February 13

    Edit | Reply

    much truth...

    and sadness in your words, yes..reality is quite harsh at times..thought provoking piece, and sad commentary on this 'race' we call human..


  • Nicada silver member
    February 11
    Edit | Reply
    You have shared a sad, but very powerful message that is a reflection of the society we live in. You bring up some very valid points and instances of a lack of peace. I especially was struck by the one where the man walks by the child and takes no action to help her. Great job on this write, and thanks so much for entering. Blessings, Patty


  • chael
    February 10

    Edit | Reply

    Yup

    Even John couldn't make people "Give Peace A Chance". "Imagine" us believing we could. Well said and a sad but true reality. My hats off....cahel

  • BodomBuddy
    February 10
    Edit | Reply
    "No, I don't think peace can actually exist
    in a world as convoluted as our own
    where a plump old man
    can walk by a poor dying child, and only mumble
    poor thing, but never do anything to change his fate"

    great way to deliver your message. nice poem, i really like this one. your use of language is inspiring and really helps you to deliver your message.


  • once
    February 9
    Edit | Reply

    deeply true but shallow in its attitude

    well, i might have to contradict myself now, this poem is not deep in the thoughts is provokes but in the thoughts it consists of. there is no extra thought to be done. i like it though, the repetition makes it great. i admit it does not make me bob my head and squint as i read. so the hippie meter (while triggered by the peace) stayed low.


  • toomysterious
    February 9
    Edit | Reply
    This is a very worthy poem. I hope you do well in your contests.


  • Rhapsody
    February 9
    Edit | Reply
    Next time, make sure you have your option in your author notes. I know what option you chose though. BUT I FREAKIN LOVE THIS! It's great how you portrayed your own opinions, and it is true. It just is just a circle and some slashes. I'd give you applause but i have no more points . GOOD LUCK!

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