2 October 1992.
i am an uneventful birth.
14 March 1993.
canada: i am sky kissed from reaching out to grasp plane trails, sleeping in cordite and orange blankets.
6 October 1994.
my brother is born. nobody asks me, but i adore him.
i learn from my dad that it is easy to kill something you love.
21 July 1995.
i am honey hair, smoke and dandelions for bones, fingers of haribo rings, blues and reds and pinks so sunny that i cry for nature’s moon shadows and dusty births.
i sleep in grandma’s garden, under starlight i paint leaves so they can dance and i bury cheerio’s, for doughnut trees.
‘you only planted weeds’
2 September 1996.
my mother dresses me in scarlet, because she wants me to be brilliant.
first day of school, i trip and cut my knees. i attack my lip, turning it puce, because my knees are hidden by the cloth and
mother says crying is selfish.
12 November 1997.
‘if alex wants to play ball, and all the other girls want to play skip,
then, then alex will play ball;
by herself’
1 September 1998.
nylon thistles cage an embroidered lion roaring on my breast; i am gaudy like pride but not a thread as strong.
i don’t know how to hold your hand,
so i hold my own.
15 June 1999.
summer; i am the cotton lipped girl. i ferment pollen as a subsitute for honey and try to get drunk on weightlessness and hot coals.
i dance instead of running but somersault through the playground,
shattering my bones.
i destroy my spine, just
before it was needed most.
27 May 2000.
it’s impossible to remember anything about this year, except that every single
golden hero blazes their feet of clay.
8 August 2001.
beauty appears in sunsets and winter postcards. the beach calls through twilight air; i somehow guess the way. melanoma muscles stand alone, illuminated by a vulgar sunrise. sugar hands atrophy and dig out a grave in dunes and rushes, seeping seawater.
7 October 2002.
fingers become inkblots,
arms turn cherry,
eyes shine soil,
i find that angel wings explode when eyelashes are yanked from their beds and
fall like feathers to iced pools and crystallised petals.
17 April 2003.
i am the only one who can tread water at swimming lessons; only because i’ve been trying to keep afloat for three years now. i'm almost vomiting at what the teachers see; a fat deformity with an ugly personality, crying.
no-one knows that this place holds memories of her dad,
dropping her in the deep end to see if she could swim.
21 March 2004.
i write a story about being abandoned. for mothers day, i wrap it in navy and feldgrau and put it under her mattress,
so she can sleep on it.
5 May 2005.
i play rugby, for i love the ‘boy’ with ribbon intercostals and pink blood.
i try to be a blue girl; reasoning that we will cancel out,
like x’s in those impossible long divisions.
he understands how these letters and numbers can just disappear,
but i don't.
reality is already terrifying; i swear into envelopes and daisies that i will never die.
31 December 2006.
i watch spiders in forgotten trees and realise that if you make yourself repulsive, you shouldn't miss what you can't have.
1 April 2007.
i leave biro philosophies on toilet walls, reminding strangers that
caress and carcass are only two letters different,
vile and live are the same,
falling should never be confused for falling in love.
i am caught a week before easter and the attendant smiles and asks why didn't i give it up.
i talk to her for two hours and she reads my notebooks and looks at my shoes and says
'you're a dying breed.'
she's only got the first bit right.
21 January 2008.
i learn that if you are only bones, you can stop nature.
i wear red elastic bands; so i can flex and morph and not snap, but rubber bands are easy to forget and soon people mistake me for the tin pipes and solder wire in my veins.
i develop an obsession with wings and for breathing underwater, so when i feel the ugliest i've ever been, i stand on the bridge and prepare to fall and drown.
i only just learn east from west.
1 January 2009.
iamsixteen. iamsixteen. ifeelsix. iamsixteen. iamsixteen. iwanttobesix. iamsixteen. iamsixteen. i'msixtysix. idon'twanttobesixteen. ifeelsixty. iamreallysixteen. iamsixteen. ifeelsixty. ineedtobesix.
i.am.sixteen.
Author notes
the most honest in a long time. possibly the most painful.
i dislike this.
09.02.09
A contest entry
- enter. click. enter by stargazer..
400 points, ended April 15, 19 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Best February Prewrites from These Dates: by Paloszoo.
700 points, ended March 2, 75 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - give me everything you got by you lack luster.
550 points, ended March 18, 15 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Fxck it.
Comments
1 - 32 of 32
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i've had this bookmarked for a whiiiile, because i started reading it but then i had to go or something. anyways.
this is so amazing. i can't believe how incredible this is, honestly.
wow.
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holy shit. i. so I want to leave you a really useful comment, but right now I can really only come up with "holy shit" and tell you this is brilliant.
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1 September 1998 is stellar.
"i destroyed my spine" - interesting image.
i enjoyed this.
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i was going through my bookmarks and found this.
amazing. beautiful. perfect.
'31 December 2006.
i watch spiders in forgotten trees and realise that if you make yourself repulsive, you shouldn't miss what you can't have.'
is just so...painful. <3
you're amazing.
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Very well done. Amazing ability to captue, with just a few lines, specific feelings. It is wonderful knowing there is enough there to express yourself and not enough to prevent the reader from inserting themself as well.
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You have pulled out my heart and placed it in front of me.
That is all.
oh, & wow.
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Beautiful. Beautiful and inspiring. Beautiful and inspiring and upsetting.
"21 March 2004.
i write a story about being abandoned. for mothers day, i wrap it in navy and feldgrau and put it under her mattress,
so she can sleep on it."
Did she?
That's one of the most...touching lines I've seen in a poem in a long time.
So it's beautiful and inspiring and upsetting 8D
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Wow, you're good at remembering dates. =]
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I only remembered after 2001, beforehand it's my parents collection of captioned photographs
I'm good, but not that good ;]
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haha. i am alright at remembering dates. if they're meaningful.
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i know what you mean, i can barely remember what the current date is, but i guess these meant something more than usual :]
<3
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"canada: i am sky kissed from reaching out to grasp plane trails, sleeping in cordite and orange blankets."
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"smoke and dandelions for bones, fingers of haribo rings, blues and reds and pinks so sunny that i cry for nature’s moon shadows and dusty births."
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"try to get drunk on weightlessness and hot coals."
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"i find that angel wings explode when eyelashes are yanked from their beds and
fall like feathers to iced pools"
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"i write a story about being abandoned. for mothers day, i wrap it in navy and feldgrau and put it under her mattress,
so she can sleep on it."
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"i watch spiders in forgotten trees and realise that if you make yourself repulsive, you shouldn't miss what you can't have."
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"i develop an obsession with wings and for breathing underwater, so when i feel the ugliest i've ever been, i stand on the bridge and prepare to fall and drown."
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and the last stanza.
sorry for all the copy/pasting, but this is utterly heartbreaking.
an amazing write. imagery, metaphor and emotion are all real and painful. well deserved trophies
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holy bajeebus. that was awesome. i absolutly adore your sixteen line, because that was EXACTLY how I felt when I turned sixteen, its a huge stepping stone in life and I wasn't sure I was ready. I wanted things to go back to being simple.... lol
I just loved the way you put things, it was all so magical. amazing write!
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your metaphors in every line, are very good, but sometimes they can be a little overwhelming. i can intuit how this piece could mean so much to you, but quite honestly its a little difficult for the reader to understand (not that that is most important when writing), in and of itself. i personally liked how the very last paragraph really emphasized your feelings and desire, at this time in your life. i think you expressed your feelings quite thoroughly, which is essential to any poem, or poet. i very much agree with this bit: i leave biro philosophies on toilet walls, reminding strangers that
caress and carcass are only two letters different,
vile and live are the same,
falling should never be confused for falling in love.;
and how everyone should see the reality of life. all in all, i think some parts could have been worded differently (smoke and dandelions for bones, fingers of haribo rings, blues and reds and pinks so sunny that i cry for nature’s moon shadows and dusty births. -- thats a bit confusing). however, i think its a very deep write, and i believe if a poem is essential to who you are, then no outsider can measure its worth. nonetheless, well done.
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....this is incredible.
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You, my dear, have a gift for writing. Don't ever forget it. This is brilliant. I love it. Thanks for entering my contest. Good luck. I'm honored to have you show your wonderful work here.
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this is beautiful;
painful && tragic,
but beautiful.
you have amazing imagery
and everything.
i adore it.
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this is lovely. painful to read, because i've been there (god have i been there).
"first day of school, i trip and cut my knees. i bite my lip, because mum me told crying is selfish."
-should it be mum told me
i almost vomit at the teachers see"
-i don't understand this. maybe i'm not supposed to.
"i learn that if you are only bones, you can stop nature.
i wear red elastic bands; so i can flex and bend and not break, but rubber bands are easily forgotten and soon people mistake me for the tin pipes and solder wire in my veins.
i develop an obsession with wings and for breathing underwater, so when i feel the ugliest i've ever been, i stand on the bridge and prepare to fall and drown. "
-the part i like best. i was you at one point, still am somewhere deep down inside.
Overall, this is really a stunning piece. your formatting could maybe use a bit of cleaning up for flow, but i wouldn't. it's beautiful the way it is. your imagery is captivating, and your insights read well beyond your years.
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Thank you
'i almost vomit at the teachers see'
No, you were right. It was missing a what
Can ask how you mean the 'formatting'?
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well, it depends on how you meant it. As prose, it's perfect, but as poetry, it doesn't seem quite right. i can't explain it exactly, but i think the imperfection is what gives it honesty.
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Ah, I see what you mean, but i don't know how to fix it.
it doesn't read right if i make it free-verse, i don't feel this is prose and i despise ryhme.
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I hate rhyme too. i don't read rhyming things. Like I said, I wouldn't change it, even if it doesn't fit into a category properly. I keep re-reading it, and every time I do, I fall even more in love with it.
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Damm!! don't know how to say this better in words but I LOVE YOUR WORDS how you describe evry thing is amazing. I never realy read some thing like this just old fashion poetry. But what you wrote is way different, its well written. So I belive and hope others as well do so.
xoXO
vivian~
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It's my 52nd Birthday today, 24th of Feb.( here in my country, Philippines) and don't want to be critical or make some "negative" comments on anything I read when invited...but ...
when I read "stories" like this one... about their lives and emotions they expressed in writings, I feel sad and need to be "honest" most of the time.... especially to someone sooooooooo very young like you... yet you feel that the world is not on your side. You are a lost soul and need someone to talk to...
Teenage life should be something worth remembering... all happy things in your life to put /write in your diary...make "sad" stories the opposite...make it "happy" to make you "smile" always...
There are so many people in this world that are more "abandoned" and "neglected" and "abused" and "forgotten"...
I am old... experienced things in life you wouldn't believe I surpassed on those years I struggled ... but I never see my life unfortunate. You will never "see" me cry on things so frustrating that you want to scream out loud to feel free... I just believe and pray that things will be okay.... BUT... I only feel frustrated about my LOVE... that until now... never materialized to come true, eh? hahaha!
YOU ARE MORE THAN LUCKY... cuz... YOU"RE A YOUNG , SWEET 16, eh?
BUT you write well, though...
and 
to you
Summer51
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Wow, this is really a beautiful story.
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WOWWWWW i am in awe
This piece is so stunning. Your an amazing writer. the way you express your feelings is undeniably heartfelt and individual.
I love this piece. Keep penning babee. you will do great things.
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Wow. This is truly amazing! You had alot of lines that really jumped out and stuck with me. I cant really think of anything to criticise. I mean its really really good! Very well writen
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This is one of the most amazing pieces of work that I have ever read. No words to describe what emotions it awoke in me. I do not have to criticise because this is perfect. Xds-gX
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2004.
“i write a story about being abandoned. for mothers day, i wrap it in navy and feldgrau and put it under her mattress.
to let her sleep on it.”
- you really have some amazing lines that just jumped out and smacked me in the face. Really really beautiful lines. Also given the format of a timeline each one has room to breath and stand alone but also as part of a whole, your whole. I thought the honesty in this was just breathtaking and got a violent jolt of nostalgia from my own adolescence reading this. I'm book marking this for future reading. The only flaws are the ones that make you human. Thank you so much for sharing.
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"i bury cheerio’s, for doughnut trees./‘you only planted weeds’"
That was an amazing line. As was the rest of the piece, really. So much emotion and though i can't relate to all of it, i can feel it all. -
i love this and i sort of understand were so of it is coming from . i myself am 16 and also feel as u say in the last tidbit.. but great write love the imagary. i think you did a great job of letting it all kind of tie itself together. good job
<3 lindsay
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a wonderful write I loved your imagery and depth throughout your emotions are brillant when reading you captavated my attention all the way through thank you for sharing
maralisa
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