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Threads of being

A murky fresco painted sky
is dabbed by cotton sponge on high,
and quickly flicked by brush tip nigh. 

It’s here amid the quilted dawn
she sighs and breathes the silent threads,
while others rest as cozy prawn
nestled in shallow seaweed beds.

The silence plays its part and preens
as thoughts spin reels of true life scenes,
once cast by love and dreams serene.

She languishes in visage twirl,
each image laced, ferments like wine,
and sadness touches heart of girl
tied with yesterday’s ribbon twine.













Author notes

Prompt shown on contest page, Sarabande Sonnet, written in 3rd person omniscient
Sandi Alford

In a list

A contest entry

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    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 13 of 13

  • Idle Mind Wondering silver member
    March 25

    Edit | Reply
    3rd person omniscience: check

    Quiet like the dawn a time of healing and dreaming and lamenting too, this sing softly and flows beautifully.

    very well done
    ken


  • Pamela A Lamppa silver member
    March 10
    Edit | Reply
    Just lovely


  • maa gold member
    March 5

    Edit | Reply
    a stunning verse ...
    elegant language intertwined with creative imagery have given birth to an outstanding sarabande sonnet that certainly will gain the host's favour ...
    a gold-worthy entry for sure ...

    maa


    • Sandi Alford gold member
      March 5
      Edit | Reply
      Ah my, Merci Beaucoup Marion,
      your graceous thoughts have made my day big time!

      Have a fantastic day!
      blessings, Sandi


  • Pamela A Lamppa silver member
    March 3

    Edit | Reply
    Ahh. I love the clever use of language in this piece and I loved the monorhyme used in your tercets. Very nice.

    "nestled deep in shallow seaweed beds."

    This line fell out of syllable count as it is 9
    Maybe "deep within shallow seaweed beds". ?

    Other than that one thing, this piece is written quite well. feel free to tweak a bit. You hit the prompt nicely in this.

    I will be back before the contest close to read again.
    Thank you for such a unique and interesting entry. Truly, I loved this.

    Well done. ~Pamela


  • Emmyb gold member
    February 24

    Edit | Reply

    interesting

    Very interesting rhyming.

    twine wine

    serene.scenes,preens

    all very unique words with a lot of character so it flows well and none of the rhyming seems forced.

    an intellgent and interesting write. not many people manage to reference a prawn in a poem. good work

    Emma

    • Sandi Alford gold member
      February 24
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you Emma, I appreciate you time and kind thoughts my sweet friend


  • R S Adams Jr silver member
    February 12

    Edit | Reply

    very restful

    Well written. I like the tone and the feeling is serene. I really enjoyed the music of the first verse.


  • CitrineSunrise silver member
    February 12

    Edit | Reply
    It is so interesting how the same prompt can inspire us in so many different ways. You have painted a lovely portrait of a sea maiden and used some unusual rhymes to accomplish this. Good luck in this contest. Peace, Liz


    • Sandi Alford gold member
      February 13
      Edit | Reply
      That's what is so neat about prompts..the sky is the limit where the muse is concerned. It's fun to hear what my scribbles brought to mind, thank you for your great thoughts

      blessings, Sandi


  • Aesthete2000 gold member
    February 9

    Edit | Reply
    I found it entrancing
    to follow the thread,
    to visualize the scene,
    to see the sadness
    tied tight in twine...

    M-C

1 - 13 of 13