Memory is plaited
and spun - a reecho of an artist;
just a pilfered blue-eyed blues.
Distinct dark spheres are overhead
visiting my low desire, on a white day
these evening clouds - sere?
The plane is twisted silver; impearled
by this awkward dewy dawn.
Descending the collapsing shade
of an influenza mist
in sleep I sank, entranced
by the place and time.
England’s peerless flowers,
are just chiseled saints.
Do they have the ability to lift the blinds,
between us?
Touching down, I glean the banks
of this black brilliant earth.
Roses
Thistles
Bluebells
Daffodils
and shamrocks, all.
They’re burning
within my cedar heart.
Author notes
This poem was inspired and made possible by:
1) Landing in London - 3 Doors Down
2) Jaden's poem "Ideals of a Good Person"
http://allpoetry.com/poem/4663309
A contest entry
- Anything & Everything for GOLD!! by Hebz.
400 points, ended June 21, 2009, 214 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Constructive Criticism
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
-
Fianlist definitely
Thnx for entering & Best of Luck
GloriousGift
Hebz -
Oh, I love 3 Doors down! Glad they inspired this very expressive and well written piece! Wonderful penning to be sure. Different for me and that is good!
Blessings
Frogz~
-
Excellent
Such a well expressed write. So very touching. Thank you for sharing.
-
Excellent imagery, "Memory is plaited and spun," and "dark spheres are overhead/ visiting my low desire."
Beautifully phrased "plane is twisted silver; impearled" (particularly envisioning spatial planes). Intriguing "influenza mist." Excellent word choice "England's 'peerless' flowers ," and "glean...this black brilliant earth." The author notes were helpful, thank you. I enjoyed ending at ...shamrocks, all.
The concluding "burning within my cedar heart" seems to twist it again, replacing influenza mist with choking burning, obscuring or consuming previously seen or imagined beauties.
-
Very impressive and such incredible imagery. Your poem was very thought provoking and I read it through a few times. Your poetic devices really impressed me for I do not know them very well, but I love to read other's such gifted poetry such as yourself. Thank you also for commenting on my poem.
Blessings and best wishes in the contest.
Kelle Marie
-
I wonder if you need the last two lines, I liked the ending at shamrocks, all.
Thank you for following the rules, Jaden is an awesome writer. Nice job with the song prompt as well.
Adding your comment:
1 - 6 of 6
