The stars are so beautiful,
oh, the night air is crisp and clear.
My mind is holding scrambled thoughts,
was there something I was supposed to do?
The store, yes! Need milk.
where's the milk?
No lights. Only stars to illuminate my way.
The ground is so cold and hard.
On the counter! The milk is on the counter!
My purse, need to pay. Where's my purse?
Oh, my head hurts! Someone hit me on the head.
I fell. The room turned upside down.
Spinning, twirling, dizzy-I'm so sick.
My vision's blurred. Who's that man?
He has a gun. Money.
"No, my purse. My pictures! Give me my pictures!"
He is angry. Mad like a rabid dog.
The gun! Oh dear God, he shot me!
It burns, oh dear Lord it burns so bad!
I can't breathe, my head hurts.
The store, inside. Out here, how?
Oh, it burns so much! Help me Lord, please!
He left. He ran.
Crawl, my purse.
"My purse, my pictures!"
I need my pictures.
It hurts. My heart beats in my ears.
Too loud, too weak, too slow.
Wet and cold. Burning, bleeding.
The stars are so beautiful!
Big-giant stars!
The sky! It's opening!
Oh, the sparkling light!
I'm coming! Wait for me!
I'm here!
Daddy! Oh, daddy! I'm home.
Author notes
Written February 20th, 2004
In a list
A contest entry
- ~Through The Eyes Of The Victim~ by Onyx Dragon.
300 points, ended March 7, 2004, 22 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
-
This was an awesome write. I could feel this very deeply. The confusion and panic were very strong emotions in this piece. Good Luck! ~PeAcE~
Sydney
-
I can't remember if i commented on this or not Sam darling, but it was beautiful and i loved it..it was so sad, the confusion inside of it shone brightly...You never cease to amaze me darling
-
that was very interesting and it kept me that way all though til the end. great job at expressing the confusion that would most certainly ensue in a situation like this.
Lea -
WOW Sam,amazing,it had me glued to my seat reading this,I can see I have a lot of catching up to with your poems,you have written so many,but I will keep reading.You are magnificent my friend~Joan~
Have a magical day -
This is wonderful Sam. It flows with almost a desperation that fit your words beautifully. I felt the horror of the moment, and the urgency to get back one of your most prized possessions.. the pictures. Fantastic job
Gypsy -
this was brilliant Sam, great imagey, sad thing though is it sounded at the end as if you were ready to go, Heaven is a great thing to look forward to but we should never want to rush there as all the time we are here it is our opportunity to learn and that pleases God
-
A really beautiful write... I feel so over-shadowed now! 
This is certainly winning material. Anyway, good luck in the contest, and keep writing!
Kate
-
Your words are... they just paint a detailed picture. I can't really describe what you've pulled off here. Incredible peice! Nice to see a write by you. Keep it up,
Corey -
Realismo
Dear Sam,
Are you still there? That is what, in Opera, was termed 'realismo' where the audience (ibn this case the reader) is drawn right into the heart of the action.
WHILE YOUR POEM ISN'T QUITE LONG ENOUGH TO MAKE AN OPERATIC LIBRETTO IT CERTAINLY HAS THE PUNCH! One can't avoid the feeling of dying from gunshot. Quite a departure from your usual, I think, but congratullations and best wishes for the Contest.
Love and Hugs, XXX Hugh. -
amazing
i just floated through this in total amazement.you took this subject matter and made it your own.i could see you lying there and i could hear your thoughts.i could see the lights.i wanted to give you your pictures.i watched as the gun went off.all this in this write was so vivid.oh my gosh,good luck -
I love this so much! i think it's my favorite so far of all your works. free verse is good for you this is so descriptive and emotional...and u didn't add too much fluff that would only take away from the images and the impact. it's so wonderful... awww she kept reaching for the pictures! that made me want to cry, i can see myself thinking the same thing. then... u were home. i love it!!!
~Iris~ -
Sam,
Who else can do wonders with any subject and add so much to it. You are so very talented. Thank you for sharing another one from your talented mind. ~Bud~ -
Amazing Sam....I'm in awe...you've painted such a clear
picture here. Very very powerful write. Excellent..God
Bless you!
~sweetgurl
P.S. good luck in the contest. -
Well written!!! Powerful!
Sam,
SAM, WOW! This was extremely powerful. It was very believable, and I felt like I was the victim there. Vivid images that went through my mind. Brilliant... you outdid yourself yet again. I also liked how you kept coming back to the stars, and it went so well with your background! I saved the background, I just liked it so much, hope that's okay with you. Powerful, powerful, powerful. I can't get over this.
GOOD LUCK IN THE CONTEST!!!!!!! YOU DESERVE TO WIN!!!
Writing is good for the heart and soul.
Sincerely,
Nelak
BRAVO, SAM!!!!!!!!
-
WONDERFUL! WONDERFUL! WONDERFUL! Vividly and beautifully told as only you can do it Sam. Worthy of the gold to be sure... Irene
Adding your comment:
1 - 15 of 15
8 old applause
