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Sin and Roses

He basks beneath blankets of green,
where grasses grow in God’s beauty,
infinity of world pristine.

He hears life’s perfect symphony,
music of nature’s nursery,
sees fertile seeds from earthly womb,
divinity a single bloom.

Souls shift in sands of history,
as fools find in forbidden tree,
iniquity, insanity.

Teardrops streaming down his face,
man cries humanity’s disgrace,
sad stars shining, doubting desire,
as hopes of future’s dreams expire.

Author notes

R S Adams Jr

A contest entry

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 6 of 6

  • Idle Mind Wondering silver member
    March 25

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    3rd person omniscience: check

    To look about and admire the beauty and wonder of natures rebirth, yet, with the same eyes, look upon ones own desire as something questionable, dirty even evil - what has man done to man indeed.

    great work here
    ken


  • Pamela A Lamppa silver member
    March 3
    Edit | Reply
    Very clever rhyme scheme in your tercets and MOST effective. A song sung beautifully in Sarabande Sonnet. You did very well with this prompt and nailed the form.

    Such a delight to delight in this poem.

    Thank you for entering such a beauty. Best of luck in the judging. ~Pamela


  • Sandi Alford gold member
    February 27

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    Lovely alliteration and internal rhymes, and I love this section especially:
    "He hears life’s perfect symphony,
    music of nature’s nursery,"

    Metaphor for the fields of growth - mother nature's nursery is seen two ways...a nursery of flowers but also as all the tiny children growing and playing

    Best wishes in the contest!
    many blessings, Sandi


  • CitrineSunrise silver member
    February 12

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    I loved your word usage and the internal rhyme of "iniquity, insanity." Your use of the universal "he" also adds dimension to this work. Good luck in this contest. Peace, Liz


  • RazorBlade19
    February 10

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    Nice Title

    I think your title goes great with this poem.
    I especially like the very beginning. It sets a good tone for the piece.

    "He basks beneath blankets of green,
    where grasses grow in God’s beauty,
    infinity of world pristine."

    Well done


  • Tirrell
    February 9

    Edit | Reply
    I much enjoyed this verse my friend, and have felt the imagery, as sensuary streams of nature, A beautiful setting.

1 - 6 of 6