Mystic crystal cathedrals
From every roof top flow
Illuminating silhouette
With an amethyst glow
As if a runic language
The frozen snow and ice
Come together in rhythm
A solitude paradise
Leafless trees in lace are dressed
And diamonds float all around
The howling winds are the band
And play their lunar sound
The stars are shinning brightly
This wedding to attend
The moon cast its velvet beams
Upon these spherical friends
As the climax closes in
And all in chorus sing
This cleansing of the earth makes way
For the birth of spring
A contest entry
- Winter Storm Of 2009!!!!!!!!!!!!...(WORD BANK) by Talking Toni.
800 points, ended February 20, 7 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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Sparkling brilliance
This poem takes me to a wedding that rings in my head long after I have finished reading it.
The flow is impeccable and the metaphors appropriately encased in a flawless flow.
This works for me all the way through.
Good luck with the contest!
Cheers
Sandy
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Nice metaphor
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i love your diction and imagery here, it's beautiful.
the flow is a little awkward though. some lines seem forced ie a solitude paradise...
more generally, the line lengths are all over the place so its hard to find a good rythm to it. which is sad, because like i said, your wordchoice is amazing. loved the "runic language" bit and "velvet beams" grabbed me as well.
if you could, i would polish this a bit to help the flow.. if it were easier to read it would be perfect
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Your title pulled me in to read this. Well done. Buff
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Stunning imagery
I never rate poetry based on the contest it's for. This was beautiful, written simply, but not lacking in detail. Winter is my favorite season, but I'll try not to be partial. "A solitude paradise" ; this line seems problematic. As a sentence connection by a semi-colon, it makes sense, but as a continuation of the last line, it would need to be "A sole paradise."
It is a good relation to suggest winter cleanses the Earth for spring. But in saying that, you are implying spring and summer defile and corrupt the Earth, and fall is the decaying Earth. At least, that was my interpretation. -
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What is was implying is that Winter is the marriage of nature to earth it is cleansing of the earth for the birth (baby) of springs; summer moves you to childhood while fall is adolescence whic brings us back to winter the cleansing and the starting overof the cycle. But yes winter is my favorite season also because of it's purity and lovilness. Thanks for your comments however. Thanks, Melody
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LOVE IT!!!!!!
Love the picture as well!!!! This just what I was looking for in terms of imagery and rhyme and flow. Your use of the word bank really brought the winter storm we experienced to life!!!! and...Thanks for your Entry and the best of luck in my contest!!!!~~~Toni~~~
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Thanks for the great comment; I like the picture too. I thought it was appropiate since she is the reason I am here to enjoy winter. Melody
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AWEINSPIRING
This is has just become one of my favorite poems for the simple fact that it brings forth such imagery for me. (Couldn't possibly be becauseI live in Alaska
) Great job and you have brought a smile to my lips for the beauty that you have reminded me of as I impatiently wait for spring to come to the far north. Thank you so much!
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Thank you for such a lovely comment. I will check out you work. Melody
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Please do
I will greatly appreciate it if you would check out my work. Im dying for some constructive critiscm. everything up right now are works in progress and Id like some feedback to help me revise. Thanks. Blessings.
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Beautiful
cleansing of the earth. So true this description of winter. Dissapointingly short, i wouldve liked to read more. A wedding is such a grand affair and deserve ellaboration. Personally, i dont care for similes. I know u only used one but it doesnt really fit the tone of the piece. Nonetheless i enjoyed it. -
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Thanks for your comment I kept it short for the contest but I will go back and add I agree it needs more elboration for such a grand occasion. Melody
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