---Year One---
In the beginning, I could never go a day
without hearing how beautiful you thought I was.
In the beginning, you would never let me hit the ground when I fell.
In the beginning,
I was yours.
Today, you got mad at me because I left my shoes in the middle of the living room floor, where you could trip over them in the dark. You took my favorite mug, the one my mother got for me in Washington, and you shattered it against the concrete outside our front door.
When I went out to get the mail, I purposely left my shoes off, so that the shards of glass could embed themselves into the soles of my feet
where they would stay with me forever,
like you once promised to do.
You didn't even notice the blood all over my socks.
---Year Two---
Notice me.
Notice me.
Notice me.
Look
At
Me.
I'm so tired of
thinking about
thinking about
thinking about
leaving you.
---Year Three---
There was a time, when I had one of my twisted nightmares,
that you would be there when I woke up.
You would hold me and tell me it was just a dream.
Now, it's you I'm running from,
and you are all too real.
---Year Four---
I'm writing again.
Not that you would care.
You never read what I write.
In fact, you'll probably never even read this.
But I'm writing, and that's all that matters.
It's all that convinces me I still have a soul.
Somewhere.
People see me now.
Without you to block the sun, it's no wonder.
---Year Five---
I expend pounds of energy
to get ounces further from the truth
that I'm falling again.
I'm falling.
But, truth be told,
this time
it feels more like flying.
Author notes
This poem was inspired by lines from works by Aanika....I originally included those lines in the poem, but I wanted to have a version without her lines in it that was just me.
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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This is the second piece of yours I've read tonight and you have a real talent at painting the pain of life with vivid strokes.
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Strong!!!
i thoroughly enjoyed this. it caused me to reflect on the pain of my own marriage. this is quite true to the way relationships can feel...that we feel so abandoned, alone, unoticed and unable to reverse the tide. i love the ending...'this time it feels more like flying,'...the whole of this was painfully pleasureful and Very well said!!
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its intense and well written! i especially love these lines; so powerful -
"so that the shards of glass could embed themselves into the soles of my feet
where they would stay with me forever,
like you once promised to do." -
You've written some powerful stuff in here. The imagery in the year one segment was striking, palpable. I'm wondering - should you break this into more than one poem? Year one could easily stand on its own merits.
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In the beginning... you capture that love that is so co-dependent and really a cover for need. The image of the mug was so perfect and spoke more than many others ever could have said. You catch the deadening of spirit and soul as reality appears to steal the dream but really is about facing what you never really wanted to see. Then the process of setting oneself free not only from the once upon a partner but the insanity of using the word love to feed a need. The last lines show a certain understanding that the only power worth having is your own and if you are flying it should be under your own power.
Love, Tom B.
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