The sands above and below
a narrow trickle between
chambers empty and fill
and I must decide
whether I am a loss or a gain
joy at the flow to gather me below
pain for darkened
dusk, shed of undone days
a silent rise and fall
I am glass and sand
and how the hours
shape me.
A contest entry
- Keeping Things Whole by AJ Morelli.
3500 points, ended April 2, 24 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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"sands through the hourglass" poems are very difficult to write and i think you did a really nice job with it... the opening imagery in S1 is strong
S3 may be a bit over the top as it boarders on cliche although it does contain my favorite word "undone"
i like the silent rise and fall and the close is really nice
thanks so much for entering this here
al
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The thought that this write left me with was pointed sand in an hour glass and I thought about how we build ourselves up, connecting grain to grain... and yet time is always pressing in around us, the peaks of sand we build are eroded, falling over themseves, moved in favor of change and new aspirations... its the way of life, the constant movement, constant shifting and exchange of energy...
we think it is just us because we are human, because we can feel that which affects us but everything is moving, the entire universe is moving, from the earth and planets al the way down to the very atoms that make up everything
if we fail to move (physically and emotionally) we will be moved against our will. Even in death, we are subject to energies of motion, our bdies eroded, changed into latter forms of energy and released back into the kinetic scheme of things...
Great write
As you can see, it made me think a lot. Very inspiring write!
s and best wishes always... ~Genie~
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It was inspiring to me too...this idea that we are always changing and always part of things bigger than ourselves, physical, spiritual, emotions... and we fill places in so many planes, we have layers, dimensions and a vast complexity like the composition that we see in the universe..in all forms of nature and existence... so remarkable this idea...
and thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and insights with me...PK
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i adored the ending to this
an interesting sexiness within subtle life
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Thank you-
I thought the inspiration poem had some dimensions, tried to show that here...thanks for all...PK
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This is very good! How you show differences still make part of a whole, that without one part we can't ever experience the other.
This is I think, one of your best recent poems, in my opinion.
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Thank you Mari-
yes, i agree the differences....we are a mixture of so many things that make us the unique beings that we are...thank you so much...h
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I loved the ending. Excellent Pk.
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Thank you Rowan
I think the Strand poem reminded me of your style...PK
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I love that you have used an hourglass to describe yourself and your path. Well written!
Mariana
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"I am glass and sand
and how the hours
shape me."
i love the way you moved within this metaphor, well done
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yes, Tara...thank you, so much ... and I think you know how i feel about metaphor......thanks for all ...PK
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