Don’t cry for the ones who died.
In years, Baghdad sees eight months of peace.
My brothers’ blood still stains the alley ways.
Cry for the ones who survived.
A bullet went through his head.
Just shot by soldiers, there to help police,
this child is dying where he often plays,
seven years old, left for dead.
Fear and hollowness fill
the holes from bullets and bombs of war.
Our faces look confused and dazed by calm.
Hope from delusion can kill.
"Daddy, come back” … are the words
of my baby girl at our place by a shore,
a thousand days ago, in some old psalm.
Baghdad snares me like her birds.
Carcasses yield to your ways.
Your grotesque agony unbridles men.
A tender embrace helps us all endure
'til we get to better days.
Baghdad is a wounded wren.
While ‘Fundies’ happily shout “Amen,”
and children whisper, "let's make love our cure,"
... we’re emptied out again.
Author notes
WREN: The Druids considered the Wren 'supreme among all birds.' It was the sacred bird of the Isle of Man, formerly a shrine of the dead and the dwelling-place of the Moon Goddess who cared for pagan souls. In Scotland it was the Lady of Heaven's Hen and killing a Wren was considered extremely unlucky; however in England and in France the Wren was hunted on St Stephen's Day, where an ancient Christian ceremony took place. It is said that hunters dressed in ritual garb, hunted and killed a Wren, then hung it on a pole, taking it on a procession though the village demanding money and fortune. The Wren is generally accepted as a totem of good fortune and affluence. (http://www.heraldryclipart.com/symbolism/w.html)
Please be honest and open.
Comments
1 - 68 of 68
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Powerful, informative, thought provoking.
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[Rhyme and Meter Workshop]
Looking at this poem from the standpoint of rhyme and meter, I don't really find any consistent meter. The lines have a varied number of stresses, so I'll just assume that there is no intent other than to have the lines be essentially the same length.
The rhyme scheme is abcadcbd, though you throw a bit of monkey wrench in by using the same rhyme for "b" and "d" in the final stanza.
Some of the rhymes are forced, and don't make sense to me. I don't recall the words "daddy come back" from any of the psalms, though I don't claim to be a biblical scholar. While that line does seem like something a child would say, I can't imagine a child saying "let's make love our cure" — it's a rather sophisticated analogy.
You are writing a serious poem about something that matters to you. Anything that doesn't ring absolutely true will cast the reader out of the poem, and make them question your sincerity. It takes extra effort to make a serious poem succeed when using rhyme, but the effort is worth it when the art and message combine to make a permanent place in the reader's heart and mind.
~Epistomolus -
Inspiring poetry
Is it of human capacity to endure even the unbearable for the sake of continuance, let life run its unjust course or strive to have a better communal existence.
I sometimes wonder what it would be like to live in a city wracked by violence and daily discord but in the end all I can really see is what it is to be human.
For the longest time men and at times women too have been battling each other so they could impose the righteous one the one that would guide all of mankind into a true state of nirvana.
Sultan suffice to say that your poem is inspiring and shows there are signs of hope even when the darkness reigns in your land, let the light take as long as it is willing before the peoples minds can be free to receive the true essence of humanity.
I like it, I like it so!
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perfect
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Am I the last optimist alive? Saddam's thug regime, it was said, killed 30,000 people annually. In an attempt to oust him, 100,000 lives or better were lost. But now, as elections take place, as water projects are completed, as electric/school/medical/police units come on line... isn't there more hope for the future? I understand there are still people dying every day, but isn't that every big city in the world? Predictions for an all-out civil war failed to materialise. The new government doesn't run Fedayeen death squads around the country or sanction rape rooms or torture chambers... it's not engaged in bombing merchant ships in the Persian Gulf like Iraq and Iran were doing back in the 80's.
You're the man on the scene, but I have to think things are better than worse.
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Things are much better ...
Iraq has precious freedom now. But, after 50 years of socialist dictatorship there’s still a void of leadership. The poem is about the aftermath of the civil war. Call it what you like .,.. but, the fighting between Sunni and Shia, from 2004 to 2008, took 1,000 lives a day in Baghdad at its peak. The estimates of 150,000 Iraqi deaths during that period are very low. This violence had nothing to do with the ‘West’. It was Arab against Arab.
Even though … as you point out … last month's local elections went off without a hitch: we don’t see any of the projects you mention; services in Baghdad, water & power, are worse than under Saddam; inflation has spiraled out of control and government corruption is rampant. The cost of ousting Saddam was very high, and it’s going to take a few more years to get the local economy on its feet.
Meanwhile, Baghdadis are exhausted. I guess its thankless to take the sacrifice of others for granted; and feel so demoralized that the whole conflict seems finished. It's just a confusing time for everyone. There are actually night clubs open in Baghdad. About 20 months ago, the Fundy's were killing goat herders for not diapering their goats, to prevent innocent Muslims from thinking about genitals. It's a time of great change ... and possibly, great opportunity.
Thanks for your comment.
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hey im an iraqi ;D!
and yeah this is sad. really sad.. thankfully though i havent really suffered much family loss, though there have been a few really close calls. [including kidnap-of an older man. but he was a smart and strong man so he ended u actually getting away.. insane story]
anyways.
people are stoopid.
i still find it amazing how so many people have submit themselves to the united states government, ready to help them spread injustice and american supremacy...
i mean, hitlers soldiers had to be forced.. but these douchebags.
wow.
i wonder what their incentives might be?
i want to talk to some soldiers. lol.
seriously..
i think i might stop by an army recruiting office soon just to interrogate some soldiers.
oh and one of my teachers was a soldier. ill ask him. -
Just read your notes
I commented on this poem before - came here to read the comment other poet left - Joe ---------------------------- peace -
As a soldier, I feel for this piece, a lot. I have not been deployed to Iraq, yet, as I am currently in Korea, but many of my friends are there right now and I hear enough stories through them.
I know that no one wants to kill, besides maybe Blackwater, and it is truly a sad state in which Baghdad is in right now. But I do believe it has improved, and is improving. Just like in Korea, we are trying to hand the country back to its people.
Sorry, didn't mean to get political, but your piece has moved me a good amount.
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An excellent poem.
I understand it to be a heart-broken search for peace and love while enduring the reality of a cruel death.
Signed: Joseph Raglione -
"Fear and hollowness fill
the holes from bullets and bombs of war..."
A twisted and painful poem: quite reflective no doubt of the unspeakable indignaties that no man should endure and yet millions must each day in Baghdad!
My tears for the dead wren...
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...wrens are quite cute, too.
And it is a cute word! -
A witness poem!
that witnesses to the ugliness that people would rather turn their heads from. Not everyone's reality is a nice one. What we have created need to be brought to light.
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That's a moving poem. Yes, people of Baghdad are left with no tears for the dead.
I am sure all the imperialists will die like dogs and the people of Iraq will win back thier lost freedom soon. Till then, yes let's cry for the ones who survived -
love
I love this! It was just raw and I felt as if i was some where i've never been seeing things i would not have ever seen if not for this poem.
I loved it
-littlewing
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well done
well done,
you really remind me of Al Sayyab's style.
deep words. keep on writing
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Brilliant write. I wouldn't change anything - heartfelt experience is eloquently expressed in this piece. Such insight and truth in the words "Cry for the ones who survived." May mans' inhumanity to man come to an end soon.
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wow the wonderful narrative of imagery dark in your face reality of the atrocity of war an unfair war ..you have captured the story well poet ..let us hope one day peace will reign and families will feel safe in their own homes again
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spectacular
Those who survive are the ones who must truly suffer the horrors of war. -
wow
very sad.
my cousin is in the army so this reminds me of him.
I love this poem. You are great in this category.
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I enjoyed this poem very much. It's not often one sees a poem asking us to 'cry for the ones who survived'. i don't think anyone realizes how hard war is on those left behind and I'm not just talking about the victims left behind. War is a life altering experience for any who partake in it. War is such a tragic subject for poetry, but someone has to document the pain that is brought on by war and very often prose just doesn't cut it where that's concerned. This poem made me feel, made me think. It's very well constructed and it has a nice flow to it. I really enjoyed reading it.
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ina lillah wa ina illayhi raji'oon.
isnt that right?
.. :\\
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Love this poem
My husband served a year and a half in Iraq with the army. I have no idea what he saw heard or even smelled. And I don't want to. The men who come home seem to suffer more than most know. Very good write.
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excellent
I empathize with anyone growing up in that area of the world. So long at war that generations know nothing else. The survivors have my tears, as do the fallen. And I give you a loving smile for your hopefulness, though I think it vain. I was deeply moved by your words. -
I truly love this poem. the facts here are unmistakeable. thank you.
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Sometimes I wonder if healing is possible for that city. I have the bad feeling that we have simply done too much bad there, and in the rest of the world, and that we are slowly falling apart.
but I am too pessamistic, I suppose. Whatever happens, may it be God's will for us.
This poem is so touching. Sad, and real, yes, but touching, nonetheless.
Thank you for sharing. God Bless,
Zach -
your words are packed full of emotions. As I read this tears begin to fill my eyes. I hope and pray that one day all wars come to an end. To many have die and to many lift behind with the emotional scars. Thanks for amazing read and keep on writing
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Wow...I am so sorry you have gone through so much...I'm sorry Baghdad is suffering so much...We have done some foul things to Baghdad...I apologize profusely.
Great poem, by the way. Beautiful form, deep words...emotional meaning. Good job. -
Good writing. I scorn the dead US invaders and bombers of Baghdad; may their corpses be seriously disrespected by all.
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Superb
Frankly, I wouldnt change a thing; 'tis fine just the way it is. Your poem reminds me of one which I wrote called: "Hollows". Here's the link to it. I hope you have a good day.
http://allpoetry.com/poem/2708768
It also reminded me of: "Mom's Restaurant, and Pops Cafe", which I also wrote. Here's a link for you:
http://allpoetry.com/poem/2795536 -
Baghdad is a mess. But, its a healing mess. As the violence winds down I truly hope the love gathers everyone around and that pride brings them from the debts of doom into the 21 century.
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It's been a long time since I last read from you but you never disappoint even when the topic is one so deep and touching. Our world is often a terrible place to live in but we have to work towards a peaceful and better world for all.
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This is such an awesome write. It's got great flow. I totally love the vivid imagery. As other have said before it really is a powerful piece. Kinda makes people stop and think a bit. Best of luck in the contest.
Caity
>Wakawaka<
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lovely! vivid imagry all around
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well let's hope we listen to the children then...what is a "fundie"? is it less icky to kill birds and parade them through villages gathering belief?..'m not sure..i hope so though.
myself, i cried the day the bombs fell on baghdad..not for me but for so many futures..
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Kudos
Wonderful write. Makes you think about some really impactful things dealing with our society.
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I loved it
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Your poem is well written and gives one a strong look at one of the facets of the war and its impact on those involved.
Mike
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This was a poem that wipes the smiles off smug faces. I cradle your heart in my arms.
This was so touching and so full of imagery, I could visualize everything in my mind as I read it, just like a sad, war-torn movie.
BRAVO for this,
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i really know what u mean alot of people don't know what is going on over there and will never learn..
this is a freat write!!!!!
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I found this poem to be interesting and I shed tears after reading,much love to the people of Baghdad ,Regards,Hazel
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I don't know if I've ever read or written anything quite so powerful. I only know of one typo here and the poem is not really harmed at all. The poem is a little vague but carries that feel of truth to it that can turn a mess into a masterpiece. I'm very glad I read this. The closest I've come to feeling this is something called, "The warm, forgiving Sun." I wish you'd read it. Thanks, and again, Great Poem!!! - ocerus
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Interesting.
This is an interesting tidbit of information that I never knew before. It paints a picture of of Bagdad that I always thought about. I really liked your descriptive passages in this. I would not revise it not one bit. -
Sharp and Poignant
One of the most gripping poems I've ever read about war. I'm glad you wrote it even though the memories must've been horrific and painful for you. This is the first description I've read about the tragedy and debacle in Iraq and it leaves me with a sense of loss, hopelessness and despair which you expressed most effectively. I wanted to say beautifully but that wouldn't describe a country in such a wretched and chaotic state. I love the lines "Your grotesque agony unbridles men." and "Baghdad is a wounded wren." Real men and what makes them men disappears in the face of heavy artillery. Also, you could've said, Baghdad is a wounded animal but instead, you chose "tiny wren" which invokes an image of a tiny little creature in the mouth of a ferociously sharp-toothed and hook-taloned eagle.
Thank you very much.
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Affecting
Your poem is a mournful story, sparingly told, of both private and community suffering after the war. Fear and hollowness fill…the holes…This raw and potent analogy makes real to us the bleakness of the people living in the current “peace” in Baghdad, and the holes left in your heart as well. We hear you saying how elusive real peace is. Hope from delusion can kill…reminds us how far hope fulfilled can carry us, and our desperation at hope lost. Daddy come back…snares me like her birds. By the powerful bird symbolism …a snared bird…meant to fly, to soar, but restrained, we are bound to you in your private agony, feeling as you make us feel: helpless and despairing.
The delicate picture of the wounded wren, limping along while others are oblivious to the hurt and the truth, stirs us deeply and makes us grieve for you…and makes us also feel
emptied out. Thank you for taking the time to create this poetry for us to partake and be grazed, at the very least, by something real in this our comfortable, far away, too busy worlds.
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I wish you well, friend. We have the occasional delight of wrens nesting in the flower baskets we hang on our porch. The little ones grow up and are gone in surprisingly short time.
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yea i agree this poem doesn't need revision. nice writing, i really like the topic for a change from most poetry i read.
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the poem is great very sad but what about Baghdad isn't
you dont need to revise it -
war....what a pathetic thing. Brilliant poem, your message is put across very well. I hope to see more of your poetry in the future
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I deplore war. Our contry is beleedinf money and losing our young men. We destroy an alleged enemy. We also destroy the innocent and the young. We have destroyed Bazbalon. May reson will prevail and we can once more have peace.
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this is amazing, made me shiver. i love the end though, great job
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I didnt know this about the wren, and confess to be a little taken aback.
The story you told inside your poem is awful sad, and can be taken many different ways.
I wish you the best in this contest.
Love,
jin
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I have missed your poetry, this is a powerful and well thought piece. Looking at a subject superficially familiar to all of us through out television screens from a rather different angle.
Great stuff
Jeff
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so much feeling, a great write.
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veryvsad
sad but true, The shooting and bombing, and the killings are so sad I wish it was all done so our people can come home. There are so much killing ,
of children as well. I hope your your babys father soon comes home.
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Powerful vision of words. Well done.
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very powerful stuff, and good use of the imagery. you really captured war for what it is; hell on earth. keep up the good work
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Left me with shivers, war truly is hell,leaves me bereft of words a amazing write!
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this is a sad situation
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Wow... I'm so sad by this... "Fundies" are to blame. I'm sorry for your loss... and sick of being a tax payer... it makes me a blind enabler, but guilty none the less.
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So True My Friend
War is Hell - everyone suffers - you have written a great poem here - Thank you for sharing ---------------------------------------------------------- peace
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very good depiction of war. the imagery was very good and bloody (in my head at least). good luck in your contest.
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This is powerful poetry, showing the human cost of war, the damge that can never be undone.
Your final line resonates for me, more than the images of heartbreak, the senseless killings. It shows how we have become apathetic to horror.
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Fear and some emptiness fill
the holes of bullets and the bombs of war.
Our faces look confused and dazed by joy.
Hope from delusion can kill.
Very powerful words here.
Carcasses yield to your ways.
Your grotesque harmony deceives most men.
A tender embrace will undo your lure.
Take me away to good days,
there is nothing I can say, just that I want to say something.
Thank you for sharing.
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Carcasses yield to your ways.
Your grotesque harmony deceives most men.
A tender embrace will undo your lure.
Take me away to good days,
Baghdad is a broken cane.
While ‘Fundy’s’ happily just say “Amen,”
and children tell us that love is the cure,
,,, we’re emptied out again.
Very powerful writting here..Loved It!!
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Eye opening and tragic... a seduction of dissonent chords in a war without end!!! People must be dumbstruck to endure this tragedy day in and day out! A terrifying write!!!
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so much truth here, the reality of war is in these images, the lives lost. lives changed forever... such a rare but greatly needed point of view...PK
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strong
This is such a powerful poem, and i really get feeling through the words you have written. my favourite lines being:
Don’t cry for the ones who died.
In five years, Baghdad has eight months of peace.
My brothers’ blood still stains the alley ways.
Cry for the ones who survived.
and:
Baghdad is a broken cane.
While ‘Fundy’s’ happily just say “Amen,”
and children tell us that love is the cure,
,,, we’re emptied out again.
You have written strong words here.
Keep writing,
Holly.
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