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Sea of frozen tears

Frozen tears fall to the ground,
My burning fists pound and pound,
Until the earth is naught but gray,
Until my body drifts astray,

--------------------------------------------

On dusty barren earth I lie,
Sandy, shard like tears I cry,
Awaiting clouds of sun burnt walls,
Softy whispers, softly calls,

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Corrosive grays and earthy brown,
Gnashing teeth and deepened frown,
Frozen river, stabbing screech,
Attached to my heart is loves leech.

Author notes

Hope this is ok!!

A contest entry

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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 20 of 20

  • sideways hourglass
    February 24

    Edit | Reply
    last line, should be "love's leech"

    in total honesty, i don't remember this poem, but i like what i see here.


  • fairytalelovestory
    February 23
    Edit | Reply
    its beautiful


  • Cynthia Gaines gold member
    February 20

    Edit | Reply

    An amazing masterpiece!!!

    Wishing you the best of luck in the contest!! Peace always, xx Cyn


  • liltulip gold member
    February 20
    Edit | Reply

    wonderful rhyming

    thank you for sharing!


  • adsaige
    February 16

    Edit | Reply
    I truly liked this poem.
    I am not a fan of rhyme, but you made it work well for you.
    A skill that is crafted over time.
    I however would edit the last stanza.
    The other two were immensely powerful.
    The last needs to be cleaned up, I believe.


  • And Hyetal
    February 16

    Edit | Reply

    yes.

    You show enough potential, I think through boot camp you'll be able to clean this up.


  • Laura Lamarca gold member
    February 16
    Edit | Reply
    No.

  • sideways hourglass
    February 16
    Edit | Reply

    Yes

    Too many colors, in my opinion. However, what you have here shows potential. The first stanza was my favorite part.


  • poet360
    February 13
    Edit | Reply
    very visual and unique. i love your take on that picture.


  • Shuberth
    February 13

    Edit | Reply
    loved this


    fav stanza

    "On dusty barren earth I lie,
    Sandy, shard like tears I cry,
    Awaiting clouds of sun burnt walls,
    Softy whispers, softly calls,"



    Great Write


    Shuberth


  • penman gold member
    February 12
    Edit | Reply

    Excellent

    Wonderful word choice. Congrats on the bronze. It was well deserved.


  • kiwigirljacks gold member
    February 12

    Edit | Reply
    Ahhh.. I think I have been in this place before! Such depth of angst and sadness in this. The rhyme and flow is spot on too! Very nicely done!


  • penman gold member
    February 11
    Edit | Reply

    excellent

    Very creative and well done. such a masterful write. Best of luck in the contest.


  • Black Narcissus gold member
    February 11

    Edit | Reply
    Though the poem was quite short the rhyme was perfect. It was very tight and flowed perfectly. Hugely enjoyable and descriptive.

    Thanks.


  • Serena-Jade
    February 10

    Edit | Reply
    considered becoming a poet miki? You are amazing! how do you manage to rhyme so well?
    We could study this at school!

  • This is a lovely piece! For someone your age, I normally don't expect much, but you have something here, the beginnings of something amazing ripening. Just stick with it and push yourself and let yourself grow, see where this site can take you! You are a whole lot better than a lot of adult writers I come across. If you ever need or want advice, you are more then welcome to ask!


  • Serenity-words
    February 9

    Edit | Reply

    Very beautiful

    Your writing is so expressive, and I really loved your use of vocabulary. My complements to you!


  • Carolina Moon gold member
    February 9

    Edit | Reply
    I like the pic you chose and your words fit it so well. Great write and best of luck to you!

    Linda


  • Madam.Brunette
    February 9

    Edit | Reply
    HOLY CRAP THIS IS SOO GOOD!!!!!! I WOULD GIVE U A MILLION CLAPS (but i hav no points )

    UR A FREAK! xxx

  • Black-Fang
    February 9

    Edit | Reply
    OH-MY-GOSH!!! miki this is stunning! its got soo much emotion and the flow/form is brilliantly suited
    I LOVE THIS!!! its great and beautiful and amazing and soo my fav! keep it up mix and good luck for the contest, im sure you will do really well

    xxxxxx

1 - 20 of 20