I stretched moonbeams
with my fingertips
and hung them
in closet like
tomorrows wardrobe,
where lucidity became
a phobia;
love never cast a shadow
on mother's lips that
curled into a bow
like invisible
birthday present,
forgotten in store window.
hatred became wind gusts, stripping
self esteem off walls
like seasoned wall paper;
sticking to mother's teeth,
as I became embedded
in press on finger nails
and cheap perfume,
thrown away like
a losing lotto ticket,
I bend into tight corners
and stick to the bottom
of yesterdays shoe.
Author notes
http://allpoetry.com/Twins%204%20me
A contest entry
- AP X Factor 2 - Auditions by sideways hourglass.
550 points, ended February 27, 31 entries
Honorable mention
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Honorable mention
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Silver trophy winner
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Bronze trophy winner
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Bronze trophy winner
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Gold trophy winner
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Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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That last stanza and image therein is terrific, and the rest of your poem is none too shabby either. Best of luck in my contest, and thanks for entering.
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you cheater, I've seen this before!
of course a yes! -
yes
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a definite yes.
thanks for auditioning. -
yes.
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yes
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Very nicely written with lots of great imagery
Much enjoyed the read
Thank you for sharing and for being part of this contest
The best to you! -
Wow. Excellent wording. Easy to relate
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23.9/25
loved how you played with imagery here -
interesting and good imagery, i felt like it would have flowed better in some places with more pronouns, but that is my personal style and i understand.
the last stanza is my favorite, it has the most meaning.
thank you for entering,
-cassidy
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LOVED the imagery in the opening stanza ... absolutely drew me in.
I've reread this piece a number times now, and each time I find something new I really like. To me, it speaks of a mother, maybe your mother, but lets hope not, who has been neglectful to her daughter/son... more enthralled in her own life, looks, relationships to care for somebody else put herself...
if so, you have really done a fantastic job characterizing the mother.
"love never a cast shadow" -- "love never cast A shadow"?
"thrown away like
losing lotto ticket,"
-- I think the word THE would flow better here.
That said, the only part I found lacking was the very final line, it didn't connect, or pull-together, or exemplify your effectiveness in the piece as strong as I hoped. I think you could even just take it out completely, but that is my opinion.
You have done a wonderful job... and have written and extremely powerful piece. Thanks for the entry. Well done!
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Thanks. No it's not my mother, just writing about the situation. thanks for the suggestions and the hm!
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yes.
I love your imagery. -
Yes.
I truly love your opening stanza...it grabbed my attention, just like it should.
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Yes
You have some very cool images and original thoughts. I definitely see a lot of potential here.
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1 - 15 of 15
