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Love Awaiting Me

Missing image
Gazing upon the sky I see my
  true love's heart awaiting me.
    He left this earth too soon,
        pure cruelty upon my heart
        after just sealing our love.
      But even now I feel his breath
      brush my cheek upon the breeze,
    and my heart beats in two rythms
as if living for him
He's in heaven, I know,
but the pain of him no longer
being here with me is new each day;
  though at this moment I find peace
gazing upon the morning and seeing
that even in heaven he hasn't forgotten me.

Author notes

http://i201.photobucket.com/albums/aa58/saturnsldy/fantasy%20pics/looking__within_the_heart-1.jpg

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1.) LOVE

In a list

A contest entry

soo....whats your honest opinion?

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Comments

1 - 24 of 24

  • BearWoman gold member
    April 4

    Edit | Reply

    Nice concept

    I especially liked: "but the pain of him no longer / being here with me is new each day;" There is a touch of hopefullness at the end: "... seeing / that even in heaven he hasn't forgotten me." It keeps making me give little sighing sounds.

    Thank you for this entry.


  • Heavenly Angel silver member
    March 22

    Edit | Reply
    So very beautifully bittersweet and so full of raw emotion
    A fine sharing this is!
    Thank you for being part of the contest and for sharing your talents with me


  • Vertigo-
    March 8
    Edit | Reply
    nicely done I like the picture too


  • XxemohatexX
    March 1

    Edit | Reply
    wow this is relay rleya good you are very talanted adn i can almost see this i can feel her pain and passion and love great great write


  • Captain Amber SL
    February 20

    Edit | Reply
    I love the imagery in this poem! It's so beautiful and strikes at your heart... it fits perfectly with the picture, illustrating what could be the thoughts of the woman in the picture amazingly.

    "and my heart beats in two rhythms
    as if living for him"

    These were easily my favorite lines in the poem... such an imaginative way to express the love and the emotion the poem is meant to convey.

    The only thing I would suggest, is to take out the unnecessary shaping of the poem, meaning the spaces at the beginning of some of the lines. I don't see the significance of it, and as a personal opinion, I think it distracts the reader away from the content of the poetry.

    I wish you the best of luck, and keep writing and improving your poetry. ^__^

    Aeris Silverlight


  • written-in-ink
    February 18

    Edit | Reply
    awww

    so sweet and cute
    its vey nice and sweet
    <333


    i love the feeling and the flow behind this
    thank you for sharing
    <333


  • Emotional-wreck
    February 18
    Edit | Reply
    good poem and good luck!


  • YesterdaysDreams
    February 17

    Edit | Reply
    oh wow so beautiful, Just made me shiver ... the idea of losing my love this was fantastic and I particularly liked the peaceful ending


  • Gillian-Noelle
    February 17

    Edit | Reply
    I loved reading this and the first eight lines in particular are quite breath taking.Just the way you used your words and articulated the feelings gave individuality and personality to a common theme.Brilliant!!


  • lindaburns gold member
    February 16

    Edit | Reply
    I see you have received many good reviews and a bronze trophy for this poem. Romantic. Good for you.


  • jayyniecakes.
    February 16

    Edit | Reply
    a good take on the picture...

    it paints a prettii picture. [metaforically]

    best of luck in my contest


  • Black Narcissus gold member
    February 12

    Edit | Reply
    Your poem had a huge *sigh* factor. Lovely words for a lovely picture.

    Many thanks for your entry.


  • Mistress Leala silver member
    February 11
    Edit | Reply
    Awe, how very touching. (tears). This is so beautiful.


  • midnightnursex
    February 10

    Edit | Reply
    Awwh, I love it, it's beautiful! I loved the middle mostly, it just had a great flow. I do think that it ended rather awkwardly though, so if you were to revise it I'd work on that a bit. It made me happy Still beautiful!


  • Viyanna Rosemarie silver member
    February 9

    Edit | Reply
    this is so very heartwrenching. after reading this from you i think i should remove my entry. this is so beautifully sad that i almost cried. thank you for sharing this with me today and i wish you the best of luck in this contest that we both have entered. viyanna rosemarie


    • Kathraina silver member
      February 9
      Edit | Reply
      I'd love to read yours. Which contest is it in? (this specific piece is entered in six contests right now lolz)


  • daviscth silver member
    February 9

    Edit | Reply
    My honest opinion is that you have done a wonderful job with this. I love the imagery and the words are perfect for the picture. Thank you for sharing with me.


  • Ephiphany
    February 9

    Edit | Reply

    The Beautiful Darkness of this

    still reaps in astounding measures of pleasing ones' eyes in reading. I love this, and appreciate that you took the time to enter such a magnificant piece. Thank you and good luck.

    All the best-
    Ephiphany


  • Papers
    February 9

    Edit | Reply
    Wow. The format was wonderful, and it really did fit the words that you have here. So meaningful and I can feel your emotions. It's sad, yet so full of hope, which gives it an uplifting feeling in the end. A very nice write, my friend. Keep up the great work!


  • Callisto Athena gold member
    February 9

    Edit | Reply
    Aw Hon, this is so sad and yet so hopeful too.. "gazing upon the morning and seeing that even in heaven he hasn't forgotten me." It is wonderful to feel that those who have gone on are just waiting for us to finally join them, isn't it? You've penned that so beautifully here, I wouldn't change anything about this piece..

  • A-muse-in-writer
    February 8

    Edit | Reply
    Awww this is beautiful. Loved the passion and feelings that never truly died. A bittersweet poem. Well written.


  • thejollytinker
    February 8
    Edit | Reply
    yeah


  • Lady Michaella
    February 8

    Edit | Reply
    omg..... this is fantastic!! wow...it is so sad, yet hope is there throughout the entire poem.. its a stunning write, and I really enjoyed reading this. good job here

    x
    -Lemon Bee-


  • Eeyore
    February 8
    Edit | Reply

    REALLY AMAZINGFUL!!!!!!

    i really really really like it!!!!!! that's really all i hafta say. really great write.

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