It'll take a while to slide back into
The rhythem to which we tapped our shoes
Everyones talking again, but with no sound
We're walking together, but not making ground
What ever happens to yesterday's news?
To paths that have shifted under foot,
To the quakes and shakes apparently still
But below the friendly sunshine smiles
Is moments never lifted from memroies eyes
Expanding from that moment onwards, until...
That unsure day when it has to end
The unsure day, inwhich we break and bend
The knots holding life secure
Loosening by the growing ticks and tocks
Changing tracks are the people counted on
To be the rock hard foundations which you've grown from
Instead they've mutated with the pasing clock
When the world began blooming
Became the precise moment we began loosing-
Touch.
First in a long while, is it worth letting out?
Comments
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Very Good
A few typos-
Rhythm (no 'e');
Everyone's talking again;
Whatever (one word);
Sunshine-smiles;
Are moments (not 'is');
Either memory's or memories' depending on Intended pluralisation;
In which (missed a space);
Passing clock (double 's').
These are only minor things, and I suspect they occurred as you just wanted to get your ideas down quickly.
"The unsure day, in which we break and bend"
This has really nice imagery.
I'd consider using more commas and full stops at the end of your lines, just to help separate your ideas.
The word 'Touch' has sensory connotations. Separating it from the last stanza like that really illustrated your point, excellent.
Overall, great. I felt like you were really leading me through the poem in a very purposeful way, and I definitely sensed the feeling of change.
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