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That has made me

It is standing in the open moonlight
    Casting shadows over the night
Draining silver water from her gown
    After midnight swims
Running wind’s fingers through her raven hair
    As mine have
That has made me fall in love with her.

Author notes

title suggestions? I don't like mine.

A contest entry

Title suggestions?

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

  • Eusebius
    April 9

    Edit | Reply
    A most mysterious piece, yet very deftly done poem which I enjoyed a great deal...(I thing the title is fine...)


  • Ez Writer silver member
    February 11

    Edit | Reply

    Delightful !

    I think this poem is a wonderful take on
    the prompt ! Solid penning thank you !!
    Best wishes ! Friend Easy


  • willdabeast
    February 8

    Edit | Reply

    dreamy cast

    as for a title you could try, "moved to love by raven locks" the piece has a great deal of potential. the images flow smoothly however you might want to drop some of the introductory phrases. for example,

    "Running wind’s fingers through her raven hair
    As mine have"

    could read ,
    "Running wind’s fingers through her raven hair
    mine have"

    this would free up some space to add/polish some images as well as iron out the pauses. similarly you could polish the opening, "It is," can be implied even if you were to drop the phrase entirely. it would read;

    "standing in the open moonlight
    Casting shadows over the night"

    same goes for the last line.

    beautiful piece... smooth pacing

    these recommendations are highly biased as i serve my poetry much like condensed soup. all rich substantial images and so little broth.
    peace n love,
    ---will


  • Kathraina silver member
    February 8

    Edit | Reply
    Lovely take on the prompt. This is a brilliant piece you've created here. I can feel the passion and longing for her love that is in this piece. Bravo!
    Thank you for entering and good luck

    ♥ Kathraina