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Wildfire Weather

Flame-crowned, panicked mountainside;
hours, suffering carrion-dragon's breath,
under drowning dry-season sun,
smoked to umbra submission.

Wildfire monstrously counting coup~
ravening hunger; swallowing creation,
spitting out cremated remains.

No time to mourn, running on prayers;
oh God, please, it's coming closer...

Dodging hell-hound embers,
blazing palisades seething, flaring...

Trees exploding, raining leaden ash fall~
forging, violent-fire-storm weather.

Suddenly, liberation beckons,
narrow escape, obituary lines erased.
Sobbing my thanks, impelled to live, I run.

Author notes

A contest entry for: Poem of the Week - POW - by Bear

Theme: Wildfires plague Southern California, I live in one of the paths it can take and had to flee one.

Gold winner for POW, Jan 26th ; http://allpoetry.com/poem/4990441

A contest entry

whatever you feel is right

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 9 of 9

  • Kathryn Bowden
    February 8

    Edit | Reply
    Wonderful! I have seen pictures of the fires out there and I am always amazed. After my husband and father were severely burned in 2000 I don't often read too much in this theme, but this time I'm glad I did. This piece has real life in it, I can almost smell the smoke.


    • Skybow silver member
      February 9
      Edit | Reply
      I'm sorry to hear your family was burned, I was very lucky but scared out of my wits at the same time. These kind of writes for me are rather therapeutic. I did not mean to traumatize anyone else so I'm glad you found some merit in it.


  • aboomer silver member
    February 8

    Edit | Reply
    wow - what a hair-raising experience! I see those fires on tv - and just can't imagine!
    You did a great job with this - full of great wording, impact, emotion - nice job!
    best wishes in the contest


    • Skybow silver member
      February 9
      Edit | Reply
      Yes it certainly was and hair curling too, thank you for your wonderful comments.


  • Arkbear gold member
    February 8

    Edit | Reply

    Hello Sky ~

     

    Flame-crowned.....COMMA.......

     

    BEING smoked???

     

    I would not even place *being* there....not needed....read it without, and see what I mean -

     

    **Oh God, it's coming closer**....that to me, is not as Poetic as the first part of your write -

     

    **trees exploding**....try finding a Great MET to go there in place of tree -

     

    Suddenly....COMMA......-

     

    2nd L, last S*....great choice of words -

     

    OK....as a resident of southern CA for many years, I have out-run many of those walls of flames....so I know of your thoughts here -

     

    I would say not as Creative as I look for, but when you pen it with a Creative approach, it makes all the difference -

     

    Lots of great L's here....each S* is full of Impact and Power and stanbs up and demands to be read twice -

     

    Over-all....lovely job on a subject I wish to not think about or ever go through again.....good luck and God bless....I'm wondering why I have not p,laced you on my Fav.'s list yet...(bear hits himself in head) Good luck!

     

    Bear ~

     

    Title   9.0...I do not believe I would click on this Title....the genre is not something I would want to read about .....this is where a nice MET Title would have made me ponder my way into your write -

    Flow  9.85....for me.....your Flow is good...your Tone is subtle....yet very realistic and full of imagery which slows me down to take in all of your visuals -

    Depth   10.....with only 16 L's to work with, you did a fab job -

    Theme 9.25...choosing the right Creative Theme is the Challenge in the PO' Contests..you did good here, however, each year we have those fires, there are poems penned about it....looking for a tad more creativity here -

    Feelings   9.9..had me feeling for this *subject*....personification is great -

    Grammar   9.85....I was really engaged i your thoughts....wise choice of grammar -Presentation   9.9....great font....great way to break up your S*'s....very nice -Uncommonness....9.65..even though an ugly memory, your Theme is beautiful...just a weeeeee bit common -

    Sit & Ponder Affect  9.35...I did ponder....but only briefly, as I do not care to remember those days of falling ash and brilliant glows of yellow coming my way -

    Ability to follow Rules  10.0...perfect....nice job  -

    Bears Score:  96.75

    Great job Sky....no editing once a Judge has touched your work -

  • Starz of Heaven gold member
    February 8

    Edit | Reply
    This is very sad I have seen so much on the fires that are overcoming and hard to control the thoughts of those poor people and their families that have lost so much so sad thanks for sharing and good luck in the contest be well

    • Skybow silver member
      February 8
      Edit | Reply
      Each area of our world has it's own share of natural disasters. Fire, Flood, Wind and Earth itself will rise up and roar, when they do it is shocking. I was fortunate, my loss was in material things only...I won the race with the flames and lived.

      I've read this morning, of the Wildfires in Australia in sorrow and empathy for the many victims. I truly know how they feel and am crying for them.

  • goldenlocks
    February 8
    Edit | Reply

    Very well penned!

    Good luck in the contest!


    • Skybow silver member
      February 8
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you goldenlocks for your kind comment.

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