The water ripples as the tears roll down my face,
why did you leave me?
Oh how weak my legs feel as I fall onto my knees in the river,
why did you leave me?
The cold water soaking into my clothes,
mixing with my tears,
why did you leave me?
I chased you forever,
'till I came to this river,
then I lost you forever.
Why did you leave me?
So now I'm all alone,
waiting for you to come back,
to save me from this rivers sad song.......
......but now I know you won't be back,
and so I set here, wet and alone,
and I wonder....
Why did you leave me?
A contest entry
- Water! who loves it? by DinkyDiver.
780 points, ended February 12, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - prewrite contest ENTER ENTER ENTER by serenity silvermoon.
569 points, ended February 8, 100 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - GIVE ME YOUR BEST by sanguigno.
1100 points, ended February 15, 83 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give Me Anything! by ToxicSuicide.
700 points, ended March 22, 64 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - round one - comfort zone by Shadow Anonymised.
400 points, ended September 24, 42 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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i do not like the repetition. it just makes it so emo, whiney and teenagey.
i like the image of the water, but i'm not sure how it ties in with the rest of the concept. it is pretty and pathetic [the real meaning of the word, not the "street" meaning] but it is just too shallow. like a puddle. -
thanks for entering!
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this paints a sad longing picture and is well written, welldone! goodluck x
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