Rain
Drips down;
Starts splashing
Into puddles-
Calmly.
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Written on February 7th, 2009.
-Sadien-
Author notes
First lanturne. A poem consisting of 5 lines with a syllable count of 1/2/3/4/1.
In a list
Leave nice criticism please.
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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hmm... I like this and the picture is awesome also but you said syllable count for the last line was one but calmly has two syllables =/ unless i am mistaken. Either way, love the poem itself =)
Laura -
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Well, I use an online syllable counter when I write any form that uses syllable counts... it said it was 1 syllable...
I can check again though.
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lol when I count syllables when i'm not sure I clap my hands whislt I'm saying it, childish I know. rain one clap. drips one, down, one etc byt calmly is calm one ly one so two...meh its a method I learnt when I was seven but I find it counts well rofl xD
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I don't know if I ever tried my hand at Lanturne's or not. O o;; But after seeing how wonderfully you've been able to write one, I almost want to go back and start trying all the various forms again. x3
And, yes; even though this is a very short poem, the details are just enough to create a vivid picture. The shortness also adds to what rain does, as well...like... dripping and shizz.
Did that make sense? I'unno' if it did, but yer'. =(
Best of luck, darlin'. ♥
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Haha. I'm kind of wanting to try all of the forms at least once... eventually. And the "as well...like... dripping and shizz" made me giggly like you wouldn't believe. XD
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beautiful write
i especially love the picture with it!
its so peaceful
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Thanks! That's the effect I was going for with this poem. I love the rain, and it just makes me feel so calm.
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interesting... I especially like the picture you've put with it. it really fits. :]
good luck in your contest...
overall great write! -
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Thanks!
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Short but very sweet.
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Love the picture, hon'. The imagery you create in so few words never ceases to astound me. I wish I had the patience to do forms like that properly. I used to be obsessed with lanturnes back in the day, but you seem to be perfect at writing them.
Nicely done.
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Haha, perfect at them and this is only my first? Well thanks for that wonderful compliment!
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Hey, I wrote a tone, and they sucked.
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Really now? I'm going to search for them
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Lmfao. I'm not sure how many of them I kept...I deleted a lot of stuff last year.
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hmm
i like this, its very short, and i almost don't get enough of it, but it creates such a vivid image of the rain, i can see the way it falls in my mind. This is very good to create a picture, however, i feel like i want more from it.
maybe that's just me though.
Keep writing,
Holly. -
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That's the thing with lanturnes... You describe it shortly, so the reader can put in all of the fine details. It's pretty much the same with haiku and tanka poems. I understand what you mean though.
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