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the fruits of autumn








i.
as the year falls,
we know its regret
in the tang of smoke upon the air:
like juniper berries, it hangs
waiting for the cold months ahead.
they will stretch, days elongated
by the surfeit of stars
and night clouds dyed orange
as the leaves.


ii.
these are the years
of our prosperity: the time
that drifts between summer’s unforgiving sun
and the blank chill ahead.
here, hands lie heavy with wind-fall apples
& the fruits of wild plum trees;
our lips are stained with their juice.
these are the years
of bilberries and black-currents,
of the steady condensation
pooled in window-sills
as pots boil on the stove.


iii.
outside,
the wildlife shifts.
it shivers and trundles,
tracking twigs into cubby-holes
under laurels & between cracked bricks.
it curls into corners
made ideal by the leaves –
they are falling now, fallen,
cushioning the soil
from winter’s bite. those who will,
leave: waterfowl in regal arrows,
storks with trailing legs,
swallows like flitting embers
rising over shimmering flames;
of those who shan’t –  the blackbird,
the finches, the sparrow & robin –
all shall live frugally,
feathers thick
against the cold.


iv.
as the darkness falls,
we prepare: by firewood and jam-jars,
by burrows and the fleck of red on ever-greens,
by that ancient & eternal knowledge –
it is in our bones, in our breath,
in the blood that rings like copper
behind our teeth: this is the calm.
this is the warmth. even as it fades,
this time is wealth, it is treasure, it is
future. and still, the wheel
is turning.







A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 8 of 8
  • Poetryintheblood gold member
    May 6

    Edit | Reply
    A most beautiful and very imaginative piece, thank you for entering, good luck in my contest, Josie


  • Jesann gold member
    May 2

    Edit | Reply
    A great write filled with imagery.
    I enjoyed the whole poem..but especially like your final verse.
    Very beautiful.


  • Ryno
    February 8

    Edit | Reply
    I really liked your literal take on the prompt - you deviced a story from in so affectively. This was wonderful.


  • And Hyetal
    February 8
    Edit | Reply

    90

    Originality 9
    Creativity/Poetic device 10
    Line-breaks/emphasis/flow/structure 8
    balance of abstraction/imagery/ideas 10
    Cohesion 9
    Emotion/personality/edge 9
    Impact/Reaction 9
    mechanics: 4
    rules followed: 5
    diction/verbiage: 5
    syntax: 4
    Title: 4
    overall opinion: 4


    Extra credit ~ X Factor: 0

    Total possible: 100

    Ditto.


  • Laura Lamarca gold member
    February 8

    Edit | Reply
    88

    Originality 9/10
    Creativity/Poetic device 10/10
    Line-breaks/emphasis/flow/structure 7/10
    balance of abstraction/imagery/ideas 10/10
    Cohesion 9/10
    Emotion/personality/edge 9/10
    Impact/Reaction 9/10
    mechanics: 3/5
    rules followed: 5/5
    diction/verbiage: 5/5
    syntax: 4/5
    Title: 4/5
    overall opinion: 4/5


    Extra credit ~ X Factor: 0/5

    Total: 88


    My comments here echo Tyler's entirely.


    Laura


  • sideways hourglass
    February 7

    Edit | Reply

    89

    I'm impressed with the use of repetition. Last round, your repetitions were...a bit sloppy, honestly, but this round the repetition was clearly intentional and it worked. I thought it redirected the poem in the right direction, and kept it flowing. For me, it worked.
    And the ending was stellar...there was a lot of intensity, and I think this is the most emotion i've seen out of you since the lyrics round, round three.
    You had some very original images too...and several predictable Autumn ones too...and there were also some spots with punctuation that wrecked the flow of the poem [in the second half of the third vignette] but overall this was very good.

    Originality 9/10
    Creativity/Poetic device 10/10
    Line-breaks/emphasis/flow/structure 7/10
    balance of abstraction/imagery/ideas 10/10
    Cohesion 9/10
    Emotion/personality/edge 10/10
    Impact/Reaction 9/10
    mechanics: 3/5
    rules followed: 5/5
    diction/verbiage: 5/5
    syntax: 4/5
    Title: 4/5
    overall opinion: 4/5


    Extra credit ~ X Factor: 0/5

    Total: 89

    Just my opinions.




    • Macey Muse
      February 7

      Edit | Reply
      XD I'm kinda fascinated by your statement that 'this is the most emotion [...] since the lyrics round' because to me, the lyrics round was one of my worse poems for quiiiite a while ^.^' but who knows. also, for context, I wrote this the night before you announced the round? so I went in /slightly/ autumn'd-out, if that makes sense ^.^' considered just adapting that into vignette, but that felt too much like cheating, so I wrote anew.

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