the gray wind is jealous
the trembling moon preens
silvery
diffusion
through the trees
her face, moonlit, shines upward
she prays for his return — the wind sighs itself down
and lofts
into the forest lace
Author notes
do not make any sort of critical remark on my poetry without my permission 
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Damnit, why must you do this to me? Make me insanely jealous of your poetry and then thirst to dissect it and discover any and all possible messages in this poem. Yes, even those deep hidden messages you perhaps did not see.
"The gray wind is jealous," yes, well that in fact is a particularly strong image for two reasons. For the color of itself, depending on what culture you view it from, it can be a color that is like black, a color of mourning. But it is a neutral color in the shades between black (death, corruption) and white (life, purity). So perhaps the "wind", a normally rather apathetic symbol that shifts through life with no feeling other than watching it as "A Watcher." You have chosen to personalize it with jealously, tilting the balance more to the black than the white.
Again there is the gray..."Silvery diffusion"....Once again, looking at other cultures, gray carries all the sophistication and mystery of black but not the negative thoughts with it. Even this could be symbols of resurrection!!!!
"Her face moonlit shines upward," I know you explained to me you don't use commas because they interrupt your flow...and I think you were working with a format that commands for you to not use a comma, but I think it could be employed in that sentence. "Her face, moonlit, shines upward"...off setting the moonlight because it is an important element in here...however, I think your lack of using commas is because you didn't want to emphasis that particular image, or you just didn't want the commas.
Still, I think, "she prays for his return - the wind sighs itself down" is your strongest, central, and most beautiful line.
Brilliant as always Moqui!
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this is why you are allowed to criticize.. you don't waste my time with nonsense
aside from the perceptive analysis you have brought commas into serious consideration with the first line of the second stanza ... i only use punctuation when it is necessary to avoid ambituity and never, with few exceptions at the end of stanzas. Sometimes i use full punctuation and capitals, just so you know, for a certain effect of tonality, formal tone which i normally offset as a counterpoint for subliminal purposes with humor, loose sensuality or sweet images of small, adorable animals or flowers.
Now, to the line you mentioned, the first of the second stanza: i did not use commas around 'moonlit' because i did not wish to emphasize it, but wanted to emphasise the final word of the line 'upword' to help the line rise and then accentuate the final word of the following line 'down' to bend that line down in order to work with the next line to produce a subliminat rising and falling and rising of sexual intensity within this poem, but in an almost imperceptible way ..
but,
now that you mention it, if I add the commas around 'moonlit' then that pulls the sentence up in the middle and actually bend the line down but the last word of the line will be rising and this will add even more action, so your instinct that 'moonlit' was the emphatic point of the line was actually correct
that is constructive and intelligent criticism ...
bravo .... commas are added now
you never waste my time with your criticism, and you know when it can be given in a way to improve the poem.
bravo -
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I tremendously am proud that I can help.
I am going to be coming on Kama Sutra, 3 I think it's called.
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The amusement I got from your author's note nearly killed the wistful smile the piece gave me. I had no criticisms anyway. It's beautiful.
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There's a kind of ghostly or other-world beauty about this, Danni, which produces a shiver of delight in the imaginative mind.
First-class work,
Bill
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I have but one "criticism", which is not "aimed" at you; rather, at those who are too slow in publishing great works of art...WHY is this not a slim volume already in my hands, lying askew on my slowing rising & falling chest as I (finally) sleep, having been lulled into slumber by the serenity, the soothing, the calm whispering beneath your voice? That is the ONLY "criticism" I shall ever have. Which is probably one reason why I DO have permission, ehhh??? 
Absolutely scrumptious work, Danny. Luxurious, wild & lovely. 
♥
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yes, that is one of the reasons you have permission, and also because you are great poet and I also love you
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See, I knew that...I just like hearin' you "say" it best. 
You are beyond being a "great" anything, Sweetheart...far beyond. I also love YOU...as a writer...as a man...as a human being. Mostly, I just love you for BEING you so very well. 
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