Famous Last Words

Just tell them I was tired.
I'm tired of the constant struggle
To continuously rewire
My limbs and expressions so as not to befuddle
Those who know me and those who don't.
Tell them I was planning to be someone,
But I know that I won't.
I shouldn't be a positive symbol for anyone.
I'm not the perfect daughter
Or the honest best friend.
These images of me I must slaughter
Because all will know of my lies in the end.
Don't let me be the hero
To all who come after me.
Do all you can to let them know
That they can find much better than me.
I wasn't built to love.
I can't even love myself.
I'm no saint from up above.
It isn't goodness that gives me my health.
My double edged nature is what killed me.
I can't keep wearing a mask
So that the ones I love most won't see
That I've become a freak in the last
Few short years of my life.
How could they understand
The burden, onus, and strife
Of hiding who I am?
You always saw darkness in those
Few people that knew the real me.
I could never comprehend if you simply chose
To see or not to see the darker side of me.
Did you not see the tear streaks
On my face from crying myself to sleep?
Did you not know of my suffering and weak
Attempts to tell you why I weep?
I hid these truths because I knew
You were struggling with yourself as well.
I didn't want to lay my burden on you.
I didn't want to share my personal Hell.
Most of all I didn't want to be you;
Changing myself wherever I go and all.
If they can't love me for the life I choose,
They just don't love me at all.
I'm tired of this two sided life I lead.
I keep contorting and conforming to please
When I know that no matter my deed,
I'll never be able to find peace.
So just tell them I was tired
So they won't know the truth about me.
No one has to know about the ice and fire
That finally burned, froze, and cut me too deep.