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A Winter Bird

Pausing on a roof
feeling the crisp frozen chill,
So bequeathed winter.

Cardinal of red,
silent, watching the hours
fading, city lights.

Breathe in frosty air
listen to winter birdsongs
pausing, soaking in.

In a list

A contest entry

Let me know How this makes you feel, what do you think?

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 6 of 6

  • Mistress Leala silver member
    February 7
    Edit | Reply
    How delightful and peacefuly. Awesome imagery.


  • Jalalbad gold member
    February 6

    Edit | Reply
    Breathtaking to one like me who is obsessed with birds I wish you luck in the contest.
    Judy


  • Arkbear gold member
    February 6

    Edit | Reply

    Hello Big Guy ~

     

    Cardinal = 3 sylls..>>>

     

    http://www.wordcalc.com/index.php

     

    Too many spaces after *soaking* -

     

    Nice entry....not sure why you CAPPED *So*, as you have a comma before it -

     

    COMMA after *fading*....set the Tone and Flow for me......>>>>

     

    ***watching the hours fading, chilly night.***

     

    .....and because of the way you used bird calls, it should be *birdcalls*..>>

     

    http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/birdcalls

     

    Using *chill* & *chilly* is not recemmended -

     

    In your 1st & 2nd KU's, you have given me exactly what I see in the pic......you need to give me something I do not see.....dig deeper....you are allowed two entries....God bless,

     

    Brother Bear ~


  • delightfulmess silver member
    February 6

    Edit | Reply
    there is nothing like a good pause to inhale a good feeling and I LOVE a deep brisk fresh breath.

    Well done.


    Delila

  • ashjoe76
    February 6

    Edit | Reply

    Excellent

    This says a lot through its shades and images expressed in words. Quite impressionistic in its approach, and powerful when read from various perspectives. I loved the second stanza, which holds some mystic beauty to me. Congrats and best regards!

1 - 6 of 6