Somewhere by crisstiena at All poetry

Somewhere, I’ve heard it said that
a dreamer is the ultimate surrealist
but I have questions
speculations
good intentions
arguments
clichéd hopes
and stylised dreams

My eyes are hurty
and I don’t want to do this anymore
and I can tell
by the significant positioning
of my pale eyebrows
that there is a restlessness in me so strong
that all and sundry can see it

I hail from a long line of daughters
not quite leaving the 60’s behind
but my head is filled with more than my brain;
I am fish
fairy
fox
and some days, almost human…
I am my oldest daughter
and she is me

One day, they will say about me:
she died in her own theatre of war
killed in action acting out her own fear -
an adversary that was as real to her
as her cardboard coffin is to us

Somewhere
©crisstiena

Author notes

Image by MoOnshine90@deviantArt

In a list

A contest entry

have a real thought by film. 700 points, ended February 12, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest

critical reviews welcome, but BE NICE

Comments

1 - 8 of 8

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film
February 12

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I didn't like the use of the word "hurty" because something about that word makes it hard to take a poem seriously. but I think you redeemed yourself with these lines

by the significant positioning
of my pale eyebrows

ah, that's brilliant. thanks for entering
- crisstiena
  February 13
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  I used the word 'hurty' to portray minor pain; the pain of regression into a childlike state, which is in complete agreement with the wording of the stanza that follows. But I can see your point, and hey, it's your contest, so you can say whatever you like.
  Thanks for the opportunity to enter a worthwhile contest.
  
  ~ crisstiena
- - film
    February 13
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    no problem and thanks again for entering
TheRose
February 10

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Wow, this piece really shows the depth of human existence, of the needs, knowledge, hopes and dreams that are part of us, that make us who we are and the myriad ways in which those same emotions can hinder or help us, depending on the variables involved at any given moment. Exceptionally well written!
Ryno
February 8

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Your opening two lines grabbed me and pulled me in. I was forced to wonder about where you were heading... forced to face my own thoughts and own emotions.

I see the contest says a "real though" and this is as real as it gets. Its you, your emotion, your story, your thoughts - just said in a powerful, lyrical way that the readers can relate to on their own levels...

...wonderful!...
Balldinger
February 6

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Strong, heady statements...
this rattled the cage that's suppose to contain me. i heard it and took off sprinting up, over the ridge and into a new linear dissemination of what I thought was history. it left plural stride marks on the bottoms of my electric paws. your history is pure and necessary; your offspring are sharp and sturdy; the planet is better because you've been here.
Night Hope
February 6

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Exemplary Quilling From This Hand...

"One day, they will say about me:
she died in her own theatre of war"

Sighhh...I won't, Darlin'. I won't let anyone else, either. You are far too beautiful to be remembered in such a callous & unloving manner, my dear Friend. It ain't gonna happen, so jus' get over yerself already, 'k??? What an amazing poem...what an incredible, indelible Poet...ahhh, what a lingering, languid, lustrous LIFE. Love you long time, Sweetie...& even far longer than that. ♥
richcmather
February 6

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Good
I particularly liked this section:

but my head is filled with more than my brain;
I am fish
fairy
fox
and some days, almost human…
I am my oldest daughter
and she is me