Crawling, grasping loose dirt,
Blood soaked soil long forgotten;
My ancestors slip through clenched fists;
I kiss fate, she's a widow, after all.
Rolling around in her arms,
Like the pig's wild dance before slumber;
She has seduced me to enter her here,
Just to taste where my body will fall.
Clawing, I scratch destiny's face,
Digging deep with my nails a true home,
Where pleasure and pain can not reach me,
And the womb, and the grave are both one.
Pulling the earth down around me,
I will wait in the dark with the worms;
Tired, my lover will caress me;
When sleep comes, I'll know that I've won.
Author notes
This was written right after the death of a very close friend, he was only 23. In my sadness I think I wanted to join him... this poem came out.
A contest entry
- Anti-mediocrity contest! Not entering insinuates you're boring...That doesn't sound like you! by Hungry Joe.
415 points, ended April 8, 10 entries
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1200 points, ended May 28, 54 entries
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640 points, ended May 19, 131 entries
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• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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Originality: (10/10)
Emotion: (6/10)
Poetic devices: (12/20)
Structure/flow: (7/10)
Cohesion: (8/10)
Title relating to poem: (8/10)
Personal opinion: (7/10)
Syntax: (7/10)
Diction: (6/10)
Total:71/100
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Stunning.
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This is so sad, but such an amazing write. Good luck and thanks for entering.
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Very emotional, it's a really good write. I loved the line, 'I kiss fate, she's a widow, after all'. This is an amazing poem and it comes straight from the heart which makes it even more powerful. Thank you and good luck
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this is beautiful and I feel the pain you've painted here.
_Cheers -
Just reading the comments you've got here, it doesn't seem they really got it. But maybe I'm just misreading. I didn't see depression or suicide here, my impression was of an overwhelming personal loss- based pain, not some chemical disease. I normally hate any supposedly 'dark' poetry, because it's wankdramatic and massproduced,(too many people thinking that because they're unappy they're automatically poets) but this has a more genuine feel than usual, although the worm imagery and 'scratch destiny's face...' is a bit cliche. To be honest, I didn't like it, but it does have it's power, and I don't like Chaucer, so...
I think a lot of my own stuff is crap, even though it's actually quite awesome. -
Powerful piece. Best of luck in the contest. Feel good.
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This is amazing. Simply Amazing.
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I liked this poem. Very dark and sensual at the same time.
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I loved it
it was very real
i felt like i could touch it
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quallity
you have a real affinity with the dark side i see -
wow i like it
so dark and mysterious...but oh so well writtin...beautiful work i must say...keep it up
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deeply infested depression here causing one to wallow in the mud like a pig and bury one's self alive with the worms. Extremely powerful images.
Your metaphor at close is very interesting, giving two different outcomes. One being succumbing to the weariness and falling to blessed sleep, blocking out the heartache and depression, OR the ultimate last breath of life, having kept the date with fate. Which I am thinking it's the later. Poignant piece for sure, and very well written.
Thank you for joining me on my path of illumination, best wishes!
many blessings, Sandi
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I liked it alot. My favorite parts are hard to pick out. I like the way it mixes everything. I don't know how to explain. I like your use of things that can't obviously be done (i forgot the term for it) like scratching destiny's face... that was an awesome line; I guess it is a metaphor...
I liked the whole piece. Very dark. Very.... well written I like the last line. I'm trying to decipher it, but I guess it could mean alot of things.
My guess would be that it is about beating fate... since the first stanza suggests that the whole piece is about fate... well, and now that i look at the title, which i hadn't noticed before, i guess i could be right. I suppose it is about feeling that you had one single fate, but that you have overcome it somehow.
It could be about suicide... maybe? Suicide could be a way to stop whatever "fates" intention was... unless, of course, that WAS the fate....
I don't know.
I liked it though
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Whoa- Such thought and emotion brought forth from this! The imagery that came to me was overpowering, the flow was perfect! A wonderful write!
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Wow, this is so powerful.
I'm literally left in awe.
You've clearly put a lot of thought and emotion into this. I love the line :
I kiss fate, she's a widow, after all.
amazing.
I truly enjoyed reading this, and i don't normally read darker poems!
well done,
excellent work.
ElectricBloom
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Thank you so much
This is my favorite of my poems, and came out after a close friend died. It means alot to me that you like it, and that you took the time to comment.
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