By the time I developed a taste for it,
living was poisoned, abandoned
The moon did not care, and the sun
warmed all the same as yesterday
I was not immortal, nor often right
Even my charm and smile wiped
As good with bad bones powder
I will take only me when I go.
A contest entry
- Keeping Things Whole by AJ Morelli.
3500 points, ended April 2, 24 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 25 of 25
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Excellent!
I knew the winners here would blow me away, and I was right. Oddly, vulnerability seems the theme of the gold as well as this great piece. This really struck a chord, as I have been made to embrace my own erm, fallibility, my "ticking clock."
I sense a certain knowledge of "the moment." A need to live in it, as opposed to living for some assumed reward to come after.
Stanza two was really striking, sort of a "but EVERY man is an Island" statement, reminding us that our place in the world is singular, that our lives are but that, and up to us to LIVE. How ironic that the organ most needed to protect us from poisons is the one we most surely attack with our preferred poisons.
Very well done! Congrats on a well deserved award. It's been too long since I read you.
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I really like this one Jeremi, so glad to find it in the contest...
two liver poems in a row, what are the odds...lol
i like what you did with yours... the poem, not your liver
the opening is one of the strongest i've read in a while.
By the time I developed a taste for it,
living was poisoned...
very, very nice... something ginsbergian about it
there is a vulnerability here and dare i say it a humility
this is a humble poem, hard fought and well earned
and i love the close
excellent entry
al
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Now this I really liked! Sparse, conpact, mind-thumping! A wonderful response to the prompt.
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funny how things creep up on us when we think we are invincible
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I loved this from the first line right down to the end.
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I haven't read you in a long time. I'm sorry about this, I remember now why I read you before. Love the reality of this.
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I really like this one. I like how you can write in lots of different styles. It keeps me guessing on what I'm going to find when I click on something of yours. I also really like how unusaul the metaphors are. I don't think I've ever seen anyone bring up liver before. Makes me think of someone who's been drinking for a really long time and then one day decides to quit to improve thier health, only to find that it's too damaged to really matter either way. I figure it's more a metaphor for something else in your life and not really about your liver but that's just me guessing. I like it!
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Congratulations, you win the cupi doll, because that's exactly what inspired this poem. I've been sick for about six months with an acute lung and liver condition brought on by years of drug and alchohol abuse, and toxic build up and environmental stress. So kids, fans, assholes, if you're reading this? It can happen to you. I'm only 34 years old, and my reckless behavior and self destructive behavior the past 20 years severely damaged my body, thankfully, the liver and lungs heal and I caught it just in time.
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Sorry to hear about your health. I'm in the latters of the group; a fan and an asshole.
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I'm so sorry to hear that!! You poor thing!
I'm glad you caught it in time.
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You? Shit, me too. I was sick as fuck.
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What did you have? Was it cancer? Or was your liver failing?
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Cancer? No, lol. I had a bacterial infection in my lungs (I caught from working in a dirty environment with books of all things) that went to my liver. My liver and lungs had been weakened by years of drinking and drug use, so they couldn't fight the infection, and my immune system couldn't either, and I just was wrecked by it, and almost bit the dust, from the dust.
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Wow. What a terrible way to almost go! I'm glad you caught it in time.
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Yes, jaundiced and drowning on smoker's spit is no way to go
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Lean, very good.
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:-/
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Well that's livin' for ya
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A whisp of words...but enough to be noticed!
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As good and bad bones powder
I will take only me when I go.
that ending is a great top off to this fine work of art you have penned. wow!
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I loved how you described the moon and sun as indifferent to your feelings. This gave your poem an even more...isolated quality. Bravo!
Mariana
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I love the sparseness of this, the metaphor imposed by the perfect one word title.
For whater reason, the honesty and distilled self-examanition in line six really brought it home for me.
I knew I would find good reading here; glad I started here.
Well done!
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Liver is gross, it has a wierd taste. I can not eat it with out having to gag! Yuck! Anyhow great poem,
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The couplet presentation compounds this tight, introspective, write. The first couplet reels the reader in with its hammerhead poignancy. The second is indicative of the world still revolving but nothing evolving with the moon as cold as ever and the sun warming whoever. The third is true nakedness, frank, open,but matter-of-fact,which compounds the impact. The fourth and final couplet is an assertive proclamation and a summation of truly looking in both mirrors, it feels as if the poet says I am neither wholly good nor entirely bad but aware of both facets and yet when I go I will take nothing from anyone else but take me with me. Forgive the babbling like a brook. Sometimes I ramble, sometimes simply smile, or is that smile simply lol.
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Wow, an intrinsic, self-reflection, nicely penned poet.
All the best,
mj.
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