I am...
A broken vase lays motionless on the floor,
dust swirled as the door opened,
but no one knows what I'm going through.
Still standing, still a vase, empty and unimportant.
A broken vase can not hold water.
No water, no wine says the host,
and pours himself another toast.
Still there is this thing inside me saying,
I really don't think I'm strong enough, NO.
Damn, Cher, I don't believe in life after love.
These songs swirl around my head like,
the dust in this room.
Laying motionless on the floor,
depth and consideration....
No one knows what is going through this empty mind.
Empty in the aspect of love, not life.
Or is life, love... love, life....hell....work...dust....
it all comes back to dust, but you don't know that....
you don't know that, do you....
Fear to talk, fear to move...
so many things I can't tell you.
I want too, but you just close the door,
"bye."
and dust swirls around my head
and lands on my lips where those words still lay unsaid.
A contest entry
- how do I say good bye? by A63-Angel.
625 points, ended February 16, 18 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything!!! Pre-writes! Whatever! by MysteriousWhisper.
500 points, ended April 14, 87 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Something Random! (CONTEST with prompts) ENTER NOW!!!... I wont bite! =] by Visit.Me.On.Mars.
700 points, ended May 26, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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A broken vase holds holds no water, but a broken mind is a vast bottemless well of thoughts and feelings
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Wow this is really deep. I love this line, 'Still standing, still a vase, empty and unimportant.'
This was a really nice read. I quite enjoyed it! =] -
The ending was very strong but it took awhile for me to really feel that you were the vase. I would suggest looking back over it all and seeing if you can find any words that can be replaced with something less common. This is a great start, hell its a great poem in general I would just change a few words if I were you.
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excellent job! the image of the vase is fabulous espescially the way you compare it to how you feel. Even though some things were repeated that is good because it shows you are letting your thoughts out. and sometimes to make your point the way you want to you have to do that. i like it a lot. great job and good luck in the contest!
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This is really good, I liked it a lot. You did a greta job writing it and it made me feel all these different emotions. It flowed well, nice job.
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Very well done I enjoyed it alot. Your beginning line "I am..." I dont understand how it ties into the poem, it kinda makes it a little confusing. Also a minor spelling error "Sher" should be "Cher" if you are speaking of the singer. Over all though I really enjoyed it! Keep your chin up and keep on writting!
Shannyn
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I am... is refering to that I am the broken vase, but i didn't want to draw to much attention, as that the only thing that was showing was that I was a broken vase... i wanted to bring more attention to the words unsaid, and bringing more emphsis on the dust.
I think i could just take it out though, i think the reader gets the point without it, and thanks for pointing out the typo, I don't know how i missed that. :-) thanks
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brilliant
beautiful, perfect, amazing!! can you tell I loved this? great job
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wow, amazing ending. great job, liked the flow a lot
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