i.
My existence was lost under turtleneck sweaters
and school books that I thought knew me.
I was going to be better than all of you,
just by the sound my tests made.
things change, don't they....
Because, it wasn't too long after junior year
that I didn't really care what the books said,
but I craved for what the boy's eyes wanted.
[and I just might have been willing to give it to them]
You were different though.
You didn't think with raging testosterone
or with thoughts of impure bedsheets,
you thought about me as me.
that was the day you found me.
ii.
We spent the summer together, trying to find each other's flaws.
But even though we knew they were there, we couldn't see them.
I guess the rhythmic drum-like beat that love dictated our hearts to
synchronize as, overwhelmed all the bad things.
And frankly, nothing could ever make me lose this grip
I'll never forget that night we slept in that hammock,
next to your parent's cabin.
We became more beautiful that night,
and I know you know what I mean.
That sparkle in your eye that makes you glisten in the moonlight.
and you wear that label 'taken' so well.
iii.
"you will never be forgotten by these arms. they will always be yours"
those words resonate in my mind,
like having my iPod on repeat.
the torment and all those nights I remember
locking my bedroom door and crying for hours,
they are over with.
you have found me here
and taken me as the love that defines me.
but what dictionary were you using?
'whore', 'filth', 'worthless effort' - when did I become that?
it's only been four months
since that beautiful summer night,
but things have started to change.
and I don't think I like the direction it's headed towards.
iv.
I need my space right now.
i need....i just need some time to figure things out.
honestly, I've never been more confused in my life,
but I've also never been more in love in my whole life.
what's wrong with me?
It's useless to e-mail me.
Quit texting me and trying to reach me at home.
Why would I want to talk to you?
Do you know what they're calling me now? Huh?
No, you don't.
I can't wear make-up right now,
because every time I wear mascara,
I think of what they call me, like the whore or the tramp,
and I start to cry and my make-up runs down my face.
[Maybelline-laced teardrops]
please, give me a week or two, okay?
v.
you jerk! I heard what you did. why?
If you were going to spit on my name
and drag me through the mud,
why didn't you do so earlier? Huh?
Now I'm just mistake #21. I'm just another number.
I'm just one more heart that you couldn't give a crap about.
Does that make you feel like a man?
You aren't a man. You're a coward.
Answer me this: who are you?
What happened to the guy I fell in love with?
Because I think he's still in there, but you have him hidden deep
or maybe I never knew you.
vi.
Day by day,
I'm finding out things about you that scare me.
Things that make me wonder if I'm safe here
or if I should pretend you never knew me.
I guess a broken heart will make you do that.
Gold trophy winner
Honorable mention
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