nothing i could ever be..

your lies
building up as wishes beneath my skin
and you never could hear what i was saying
its just denial..



And a heartbeat jumps
two, three,four
then its all over gone
like the wind passing over me
I'm living at the eye of the hurricane
pushing against my own barriers
trying to break free

with a bruised heart and a shattered mind
im still trying to do whats right
but all i have is hope
hope that this will not drag me down
{these words prove you never knew me}
no one understands who i am
{neither do i...}

Angry words shared over a phone line
stretching between you
and what i thought was just me
but the scars on my body and heart
they remind me that i am here
i can make a difference in my life
i will not stand for this

This is,
light shining through a barred up window,
warm on my face but still so distant,
{ I couldn't forget about last time}
trying to swallow the lump in my throat
but this panic isn't going anywhere
this wasn't one sided
{ we made the same choice, at the same time}
we did this together
you can't put this on me

But even as I'm falling into the darkness
others are reaching to pull me out
they love me
{not in the way you did}
and i let go of this fight
i turn away and leave it burning behind me

the whole world is burning
and I'm at the center
but i don't need to run now
because i can let this wash over me
i will not be harmed
because this is my dream
{but its your nightmare}
and the only way out is to believe

So with my life held tightly in my hands
i walk away
because i didn't want this
there was no battle to be raised
but you left me to drown in a river of emptiness
where nothing i could do
would save me from your sorrow
i couldn't see a way out
then i realised
that making your life better was your job
{your heart was not mine to heal}

I'm still walking down the empty road
with the rain falling from the heavens
even as the sun sparkles through it
{you could never understand me}
i take a breath and wish it all away
but this life is not a thing of wishes
and my field of flowers is as blue as ever
and i will lie here and never forget
that this is who i am

And a heartbeat jumps
two,three, four, five
and i'm not lonely here anymore
i  have found my peace
{i could never give you yours}
and for now that's all i need
to give me hope and strength
i have given all this up
to find my own reality
and now all that's left to do
is to make a wish on a butterfly's wings