Pink clouds dispersed in another lifetime
and in their place are rainstorm-colored blooms,
yellow-greening my skin.
Forms linked by purpled lips and tastiness,
identical in gift and history.
Pink were the clouds, my lips, my mind
when I was but a tint.
Red and I are undiluted;
we stain, we linger
through no fault of our own.
We are passion and love,
we are also danger.
We are tape, entangling and slick.
We are satin sheets and poisonous frogs.
We are the lipsticked cheeks of a lover’s face
and the spilt blood of those who try us.
Encounter red or me, you will be marked
(for good or bad is beside the question).
We stake claims boldly.
We hate revisionists--
those who would deny or hide affection
until its retroactive announcement can be exploited for attention.
Revisionists deviate from the essential,
rewriting the past to flatter,
dirtying it
as shades do, blackening true colors.
No pale or muddy version of my self or actions,
my lovers and wishes,
I am genuine
unclouded.
I am a hue.
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Some really interesting stuff going on here....I like the use of color, which is so vividly done, (was that the prompt, or did you come up with it on your own) The imagery is great, and I especially liked the way you incorporated all the red things into the poem.
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....well I like it.
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The loveliness of this almost crept up on me...at the first line, I was expecting something else. But I love where you went with it! It is clever and creative and very enjoyable to read and play around with. Very good imagery. Fine, fine work.
C
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I very much enjoyed this write! It drew me in, and held me captivated, hanging on every word like rich chocolate (sorry about the food analogy, but I am craving chocolate!) Your words flowed smoothly along my tongue. The flow and Rhyme was immaculate, and the imagery, there is none other like it. Waves of colours danced throughout my head. I love it!
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A.
'Pink clouds dispersed in another lifetime
and in their place are rainstorm-colored blooms,
yellow-greening my skin.
Forms linked by purpled lips and tastiness,
identical in gift and history.'
too much COLOR. A little goes a long way, promise, try using more...real adjectives, like rough, grainy, dainty & etc.
Towards the end it gets good, I do not have much complaint exept from lack of punctuation creativity, but that depends on the writer, please modify the opening lines to draw the reader in, so that they will actually hear what your saying and not be bored.
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The unifying theme of this poem IS color. The title is "Hue." Each color alludes to something meaningful; I didn't throw a smattering of them together to make a pretty set of opening lines.
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