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risque



i miss those days
when i could take
one hit
and watch the earth
revolve around two
identical moons
and count
twice as many stars.

i miss imagining you
touching me,
like the sun
sinking into a valley.
but now all I see
is reality...
as risque
    as a sunbeam.







Author notes

http://www.flickr.com/photos/opiummuseum/3179160667/in/pool-854838@N24
link to the inspiration which is by stevechasmar


please critque.
peace to all ~flight

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 5 of 5
  • Judith Chandler
    February 11
    Edit | Reply
    this is a nice write with its sense of longing. It's spare but expressive.

  • ea silver member
    February 7

    Edit | Reply
    In other words, her reality is none too risque anymore, but wholesome as a sunbeam? I love this paper moon pin-up girl - it's grand! And this semi sad reminiscence from her about more exciting days when she had twin moons orbiting her. A very imaginative write to your paper moon choice. Lovely, thank you.


    • flight
      February 7
      Edit | Reply
      thank you! her reality isn't wholesome i'd say, i guess i just ment that it's not at
      all risque in any way...like a sunbeam? i don't know if "sunbeam" is really
      what i want there but i can't think of anything else that involves the nature
      metaphors in the rest of the poem.

      i'm glad you liked it
      peace to all ~flight


  • celticwarrior
    February 6
    Edit | Reply
    This is a simple and cleanly sensuous poem that speaks beneath its simplicity to very good efect.

1 - 5 of 5