Hand offered for a dance
Silence accepts
To inaudible music we sway.
He leads me through
the long forgotten steps
-one, two three, one, two, three-
(a curtsy and another offer)
Memory, takes me away,
spins me into forgetfulness,
lulls me to the subconscious
~reality becomes unbearable ~
From hand to hand passed me
Through Time, Emptiness, Isolation
Until No one takes hold
and twirls me into a fantasy
From a time long ago...
...when smiles were unforced.
With a stumble in the steps
Clacking heels to the dusty floor
stir up a haze of conscious thought
A sad waltz drips from the old record player
in a sad and lonely melody.
(If only there were dancers)
Author notes
From the musical prompt: The Chairman's Waltz - Memoirs of a Geisha
Please listen to it as you read the piece. It adds a certain mood to it...
I like this one.. I'm still working on my new style so its a bit all over the place i know.
I hope these words bring no tears 
And as for your family... I'm one for weird placements. Consider my your caged firefly?
I glow in the dark >.<
In a list
Please judge as critically as you want
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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how lovely
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thanks so much
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amazing.
this is actually so immensely amazing. the imagery is astounding, i pictured this really dusty musty old room, with really high thing windows and visible sunlight staring through as a girl and a man dance together, dressed in old fashioned clothes, with a slight sepia tone to the whole thing, and then the record player stops and they just collapse, invisible, into the dust.
then, of course, i read it while listening to the chairman's waltz, (which is so sad!) and it was the same sort of imagery but with ghostly violinists and all in black and white, and the dancers with their eyes closed.
all in all, the poem with the music too is just astounding. you're so talented!
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wow... thanks so much. Wasn't expecting that
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no seriously. I'm always surprised to get positive feedback.. its weird no?
i think i'm just used to being underapreciated
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Amazing! The flow and the imagery is beautiful! I kept picturing a wooden floor with a bunch of people around, watching this one girl as she was being passed around, like she was a waste of time. Brilliant piece!
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you should hear the piece of music i had to work with.. it was such a sad waltz. It might enhance the atmosphere of the piece
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This is amazing. There's not much I can say about it (a good thing). The ending is perfect: '(If only there were dancers)'. A beautiful piece.
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wow thank you so much! every comment like this is a total self-confidence boost
so glad you liked it
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Unfortunately, I've only had one entry. There was a reserved but... they never finished their piece. So yours is the only entry. But I did love it! And I would be honored if you would be my caged firefly! I'm sorry that I can't give you a trophy--I can't judge it with only two entries.
Oh well. If you ever want to start a contest of your own though let me know if you need some points!
Best,
El
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lol you glow in the dark? >< Well I do love shiny things.`Just make sure you're not with me near a busy road. I liked this poem. It reminds me of a poem I wrote in like...jr high or something called savage waltz. Mainly just because of the waltz component--yours was much more creative lol
Thank you so much for entering!
Best,
El
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Remember to put your prospective family position in the AN along with the prompt. Apparently I'm spamming people by posting links, so you can see the link on the contest page by your number.
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The prompt is beautiful and quite saddening. Do you mind a beautifully sad poem?? I know you said no tears...
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beautifully sad would be wonderful. I can't wait to read it!
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