Slight Hope for the Defeated

I hate you for what you did to me, and I don't think that that will ever change.

I hate you for not being affected by your own mistakes. I didn't do anything wrong and yet its destroying me.

I only pray that someday you will understand what you have done to me.

I pray that you won't ever make the same mistake again.

I pray that you experience what I'm going through so you know what you've done to me.

I pray that someday I will maybe be able to feel beautiful again

I pray that someday I won't hate myself.

I pray that someday when my 9 and 11 year old cousins are older I'll be able to explain to them that the screaming and the blood and the 911 call wasn't because I hated my family.

I pray that my entire 16 person family will be able to heal because what you did does not only affect me.

I pray that someday I will be able to tell my mother and have her believe me that I didn't try to kill myself and make myself bleed like this because of her...it was you!

I pray that my mother's post-traumatic stress disorder which caused her depression that was just reignited won't take her down because she is too beautiful of a person.

I trusted you completely. I loved you. I supported you. I listened to you. I was your friend. All you did was lie and take advantage of me. You blindsided me and while I was completely defenseless you knocked me down. You tore me down. And when you apologized you said that you would still be there for me, but that was only another lie because you turned your back to me and walked away as I drowned.

I wish that you weren't a part of my life anymore because seeing you, hearing you, or hearing your name throws me downward as all that I can think of is what you did to me. I search for something to distract my thoughts, but nothing is strong enough, big enough. I crave pain...I want to hurt...I want to bleed.

I hope with all of my might that God hears and answers my prayers.