Poison dripping from her mouth
blood has run cold with her
recent mask of death
Skin sparkling white
showing traces of
black veins underneath
The poison coursed through
her system and took her breath
before her beating heart
could reply
Black as night
the poison takes over
and shows itself like
a badge won in war;
her skin a surrendered flag
to the fight of life.
Author notes
Option 12. Black veins and pale skin
[pic found on Google]
In a list
A contest entry
- 26 Unique Prompts (pw allowed) by Rhythm Child.
450 points, ended March 2, 34 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Any Poem Welcome by jayyniecakes..
1158 points, ended February 16, 188 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
soo....whats your honest opinion?
Comments
-
this is good, but i think the lines are too short and that you should take 2 or 3 of them and make them into one.
i think it would read a lot better that way.
and then after you do that I think you should make the poem longer....
best of luck in my contest.
xoxojane -
This is good, but I think that in the lines
'The poison coursed through
her system and took her breath
before her beating heart'
You should take out some of the 'hers'
Other than that this was a creepy and sad poem. Good job!
-
Awwww wow so full of imagery, such a dark but fantastic write!!! Loved it.
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