In deserted cloister breathing an ageless whisper
I hear the silence of my thoughts.
My feet keep still while I want to run away
like the wind pushing me forward.
My tears touch the dark floors
that are forgotten...
My heart chained shut by this tired will to end it all,
to feel another touch made of nothing.
Emptiness fills these dreamful eyes of forgiveness
[don't want to show you...]
these fragile wings torn to small pieces
[red tainted fingertips reach for nothing...]
Standing still in the storm
raging this small piece of hatred
coming forth in my lies
and the sad little thoughts...
In deserted cloister breathing an ageless whisper
I wait for your missing hand.
Gone within this promise I once gave to you
that was lost in my screams.
Standing at the window
I see yet another forgotten world...
Standing at the edged rock
I see yet another lost horizon...
Alone in pure barrenness I scream...
I stand upon this roof of a dream I once lost
and found to have been reality.
Now grasping for what has never truly been there
I move on to see your goodbye.
And I scream for this dream not to end...
© Denierim
February 5, 2009
Author notes
I wrote this at work and it came from deep inside of me. Didn't put in in rhymes or anything, just the things trapped inside. The meaning of this poem is very different than the emotions I was having and for what, but I like how it turned out. I don't write free verse too often, so it was strange to get this done so easily. You'll be the judge of how it turned out to be.
Inspiration came from the great band, Lostprophets. Love their music and listening to it inspired me creatly. 
A contest entry
- :INVITE ONLY: {{Because you wowed me...}} by PerfectImperfection.
900 points, ended February 25, 6 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
I love tough critique so give me your best shot! :P
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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A truly emotional piece. Very well spun lines of imagery in great depth to provoke the heart and mind. You do free verse very well! A beautiful pain writhing between each line. Nicely done! Thank you for your entry!
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This was a strange poem to me so I'm so glad you all like it. It took me a long time to get it done and I guess it payed off. Thank you a million for your kind words and the comment, and the trophy; they all mean a lot to me. ^_^
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rhymes?
you dont need rhymes, this is great, i enjoyed reading your words very much, thank you for sharing them with us!
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That's good to hear; gives me a lot of confidence to try free verse again. Thanks a million for your words; they mean a lot to me.
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You did such a great job with this.
I think that you should write more free-verse.
Beautiful imagery and thoughts here. Thanks
a lot for sharing this one with us all my friend
and take care!
Jeremy0826 -
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I have been thinking about doing more free verse poetry; it's a field I have so much to learn. Thank you for your kind words and the comment; they mean a lot to me.
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there is wonderful imagery in this write ... seems very dreamlike and fluid.
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Thanks, I'm glad you like it.
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nicely done! beautiful emotion and nicely written.... good job!
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Thank you, I'm very glad you like it.
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I enjoyed reading this great write and can relate to it easily. I didn't even realize it didn't have any rhyme.
Great job!
Nela
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I'm actually glad you didn't know the rhyme thing; it's still a bit unnatural to write without them... And I'm so very glad you like this! ^_^
Thanks for your words; they mean a lot to me.
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You're welcome!
I also like poems with rhyme, but here I didn't even notice it's missing.
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WOW!!!
Intense poem here. Very well done.
Delila
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Thank you, I'm so glad you like it.
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very good.
strangely good. impossibly real. can tell it came from that deep hurt place nobody likes to openly discuss.. loved it all but the part where you said 'movedd on' that isnt making sense to me..thats not an option in every case, and its worded so close to that deep hurt..but very good. gives me another perpective almost, into myself.
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The last stanza is a little bit of a puzzle really. Wanting to return to reality to see what has been lost and tossed away, but still wanting to hold on the "dream", the reasons and things your imagination brought up. I wanted to descripe the puzzling and strange feeling of being in the middle of reality and what you want to belief... I don't know if it turned out as I wanted it to, but that's what it's supposed to mean... lol
Thank you so much for your truthful words and the comment. They mean the world to me!
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