Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read Contests Groups Learn Forums Store Help
 

&& [[THIS]] is the |E|N|D| .b.a.b.y.

|P|L|E|A|S|E| baby;;
        Tell me you .L.O.V.E. me

      Before my heart F/\R/\A/\C/\T/\U/\R/\E/\S

I swear that's not
                  W
                    H
                    I
                      S
                      K
                        E
                        Y  .you smell on my.  B|R|E|A|T|H

    I promise you I'm not;; 
                       
                        /.H.I.G.H.\
&& That's not 
              *E*
                *C*
                  *S*
                    *T*
                      *A*
                        *S*
                          *Y*  you see in my D<>I<>A<>M<>O<>N<>D
                                                                  .::e.y.e.s::.

Let's just share this 'C'I'G'A'R'E'T'T'E'
                && watch crystal  ,R,A,I,N,D,R,O,P,S,   
                                                          .F.
                                                        .A.
                                                        .L.
                                                      .L.

  We're both so [|STUBBORN|]  && yet so .w.i.l.l.i.n.g.
                                     
                                            ;; to be ..crushed..

    You're |N^E^V^E^R| there to catch ::me::

                  && I'm ,s,o,r,r,y, I always let you 
                                                      |D|
                                                        |O|
                                                        |W|
                                                          |N|

But *|B|A|B|Y|* I just can't do this .anymore.

                          I need to hear you .L.O.V.E. me

    You're  |I.R.R.E.P.L.A.C.E.A.B.L.E|  love;;

                        && I need only  |.Y.O.U.|

          please baby I'm  .B/R/O/K/E/N.  && so hurt

       
        You just had to ::leave::
                so now my [[CRIMSON]] ,b,l,o,o,d, will stain;;

                  our |'old'| 
                              |P
                                H
                                  O
                                  T
                                    O
                                    G
                                      R
                                      A
                                        P
                                        H
                                          S|...


      [[.B.A.B.Y.]] I'm finally;; 
                                    .F.
                                    .R.
                                      .E.
                                      .E.   


Author notes

Prompt-Word Bank (I used 16, hope that's ok)

Crystal
Crushed
Broken
Cigarette
Whiskey
Stain
Raindrops
Crimson
Diamond
Stubborn
High
Ecstasy
Irreplaceable
Free
Willing
Photographs

Name: xXxVelvet-TearsxXx


****DOES ANYONE KNOW HOW TO FIX THE DOWNWARD FLOWING WORDS??? I JUST CAN'T GET THEM TO FLOW RIGHT ): Thanks anyways ***

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think. I would really love some constructive criticism. Thanks

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments


  • Kathraina silver member
    March 16

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, this is really amazing!
    I'd prefer less "baby" but thats just a pet peeve of mine, no worries
    Great job though, love the imagery and emotion invoked here!


  • xxSerendipityxx
    February 5

    Edit | Reply
    This is a very good poem, I know what you mean my downward words never seem to line up right and I cant figure out how to fix them either.... Sorry. Anyway my favorite part in your poem is
    "
    We're both so [|STUBBORN|] && yet so .w.i.l.l.i.n.g.

    ;; to be ..crushed..

    You're |N^E^V^E^R| there to catch me;;

    && I'm ,s,o,r,r,y, I always let you
    |D|
    |O|
    |W|
    |N|"
    Great write and good luck in the contest !