Beauty is More Than Just Skin Deep. Duh! by Catie Sheeran at All poetry

I am exhausted
and rather annoyed

I stand between wasted space
and maybe some ounce of decency
bickering about anatomy

as she orders a fruit smoothie,
she chuckles at the thought
of the line halting on her behalf
and proudly states
how she will not; and does not listen
and every other person
is nothing but a blank face

she can't even remember.

but all eyes shall be on her

then, she stomps her foot
'Damn! My teacher just saw me
now I have to go to class.'
I roll my eyes and proceed to pay
for my hot chocolate

The cashier asks
if I want mini marshmellows
and chocolate shavings on top
I tell him no
I am going to drink it.

Author notes

[sorry, not enough sleep...kinda moody ...lol]

A contest entry

write. (invite only) by chilali. 600 points, ended March 6, 2009, 10 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest

Im still revising this piece. Constructive criticism is welcome

Comments

1 - 19 of 19

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chilali
March 3, 2009

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i love hot chocolate! and i love this catie! thanks for entering love and good luck.
estbelle
March 1, 2009

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because the title says I have to click this...I thought I am the only who encounter girls like this
Terry Collett
February 26, 2009
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100% poetry.
Liked this. It opens up and speaks and nothing hidden.
- Catie Sheeran
  February 26, 2009
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  thanks ...one of my personal favs
Eusebius
February 17, 2009

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A nice frame of but just a very few seconds in time, but it is so interesting how much seems to transpire duing it..... finely done...
usefuldistraction
February 6, 2009

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The title is perfectly chosen for this smart, sharp observational piece. You can almost hear the ocean between that girls ears from here, and your close is the vicious part of the commentary (once you think about it), yet such a demure appearance! Love this whole thing.
cup-a-joe
February 6, 2009

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~I stand between wasted space
and some ounce of decency
bickering about anatomy~ I like how you started this. Seems like Ihave been on that corner-wasted space/ounce of deceny. lol

Your description of this girl is so good that I could pick her out of a lineup.

And your comment to the cashier ...
So many employes are brainwashed in what to say
and do.
Very enjoyable read.

Joe
- Catie Sheeran
  February 6, 2009
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  thanks
Whyitt U
February 6, 2009

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I know a few like this, I call them attention seekers...because they'll do anything to try and capture as much attention as possible, and then talk about it like it's something grand...I kinda feel sorry for them...a little. I love the way you ended this in the last stanza, it was perfect.

wyattxxx
PerfectImperfection
February 5, 2009

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Nothing wrong with being moody lol, sounds like one of those plastic faces without depth to prove a soul does indeed exist in there, somewhere. A nicely vented piece to express the thoughts within. Best wishes in the contest!
luna-midnight
February 5, 2009
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lol. you make me snicker, i love this, i would have wanted to pumel the girl, was she blonde,? just tell me

aww, i would have liked the marshmallows and chocolate shavings though, haha

lovely write here, very realistic, good luck and take care
Stephanie ♥
- Catie Sheeran
  February 5, 2009
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  Ha Ha!! You would think she was! that's terrible! lol. I would have liked it to be the blonde with the orange tan...but it wasn't. Maybe she dyed her hair dark so she would look smarter? she had to!
  
  Oops...I shouldn't be saying all this ...lol. shame on me!
- - luna-midnight
    February 5, 2009
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    haha, ohhh, so its was dark haired and bitchy, got ya
    
    hehe, im bad, like i get so mad over those girls, funny enough people who dont know me will soemtimes mistake me for one of them, because of how i dress sometimes
    
    but anyways, whats worse, is...*sniffels* im a dirty blonde hehe...my hair used to be way blonde, then sandy, now it brown with a golden hue...far out
  - luna-midnight
    February 5, 2009
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    haha, ohhh, so its was dark haired and bitchy, got ya
    
    hehe, im bad, like i get so mad over those girls, funny enough people who dont know me will soemtimes mistake me for one of them, because of how i dress sometimes
    
    but anyways, whats worse, is...*sniffels* im a dirty blonde hehe...my hair used to be way blonde, then sandy, now it brown with a golden hue...far out
  - - Catie Sheeran
      February 5, 2009
      
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      I don't mistake these kind of girls. most girls look bitchy to me...but I don't start judging until they open their mouths...especially when guys are around...lol.
      
      OMG your a blonde!? j/k
    - - luna-midnight
        February 5, 2009
        
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        hahahaha, omg....i beat guys
        
        lol...suuusshhh
        
        im only half blonde, get it right
      - Catie Sheeran
        February 5, 2009
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        ya, guys are fun! and the cuter they are the more fun!...
Swangrnv
February 5, 2009

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OUTSTANDING
It really is huh? I like your ability to 'bite' your tongue, most people I know in my life don't and generally things get way out of hand..though i agree with u..who needs to 'eat' hot chocolate? good write my friend..
- Catie Sheeran
  February 5, 2009
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  When I was in high school, I couldn't stand girls like that. hung out with the boys, mostly...they are more carefree and fun! but my point in the last stanza was that my hot chocolate was serving the purpose of keeping me warm (including my very cold fingers...lol) I don't need it to be all dressed up and looking pretty. where as this girl is the complete opposite.
  and I really did say that to the cashier. I think he knew I was annoyed. lol. he just laughed.
  
  thanks for the read appreciate it