Trip To My Brain (Long Survey)

1-If you could be anywhere right now, where would you be? Doing what? With whom? Why aren't you there right now?
There are so many ways I could answer this question, a lot of them smutty.
It depends on my mood, I suppose. I would be with the world leaders, telling why it is important that they need to shut the hell up and listen. And politely explaining to them what will happen to them if they don’t. Either that or I would be talking with the heads of space agency (ESA, NASA etc) imparting to them the great importance in starting to research further and start to construct some O’ Neill Cylinders. (if you don’t know what an O’Neill Cylinder is, just look it up)

2-If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven't you told them?
I regret many things. Many, many things that I haven’t said to many people for many reasons. I’m just that kind of guy, the way my mind thinks and works, I regret and dwell on everything. There is one in particular though and I shall keep that one to myself.

3-Where do you see yourself five years from now? Ten years?
Either dead, the same, or in charge of the known world. 37 years old and I’m still plotting!

4-Whom do you admire most? Why?
I can’t say that I admire anyone ‘the most’. There are many people I see in life, famous or just regular people who are worthy of admiration, though anyone who is worthy of admiration is worthy equally so. I don’t really play favourites. Unfortunately there are far more people in this world worthy of scorn.

5-If you could wake up tomorrow having gained one ability or quality, what would you pick?
Any ability or quality would do. Anything worthwhile or positive at all. I’m a bit thin on the ground in that department.

6-What is your most treasured memory?
Being at the birth of my daughter.

7-What super power would you choose?
Flight or shapeshifting. Flight for obvious reasons. Shapeshifting for less obvious reasons, some of which I wont go into, though a lot of them are smutty (seeing a running theme yet? lol) On a genetic level, depending on how your shapeshifting works, as it most likely works at a cellular level, then each time you shapeshift, you could essentially renew your cells and cellular growth, thus, barring accident, injury or disease, you could for all intents and purposes, never age. (Now there’s a geektastic technobabble explanation)

8-If you could choose the manner of your death, what would it be?
I am a warrior! So quick, bloody and glorious! Well, not really, except the glorious part. Painless. Peaceful. But Still glorious would do me.

9-Would you give up your most treasured possession to guarantee happiness for the person you care deepest about? What is the possession and who is the person?
Fuck that. No one is getting my favourite sword. Everyone I care about is guaranteed happiness just by being around me. Harhar. No really. The true answer would be, yes, of course I would.

10-For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
Still breathing. Which is quite a contradictory answer, because quite often don’t feel that way. For having my daughter. For having someone that loves me and is with me, believe me, it is something I never thought would happen. Still don’t, after all these years.

11-What about other people irritates you the most? Why?
Some people close to me would say…everyone irritates me. To a degree, they are mostly right.

12-If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? What?
Not really, though I likely should. Hell, I could die suddenly tomorrow, next week, next year, all of us could, never mind in one year and we all could likely do with living our lives better. Never happens though.

13-Would you like to be famous? In what way?
Only in the sense that everyone would know me as ruler. I don’t know, call me ‘Supreme Leader’, ‘Emperor’, whatever everyone feels comfortable with, I’m not overly bothered. As I said….still plotting! It will happen, oh yes, it will be mine.

14-Is there something you've dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven't you done it?
Lots of things. Why haven’t I done them, because I am either incapable, which is the most accurate answer and because I’m too damn lazy (or don’t have enough money)

15-What do you most strive for in your life: accomplishment, security, love, power, excitement, knowledge, something else?
Accomplishment for me is a pipe dream, trust me. Love, strangely, for some reason I already have. Excitement, well, I don’t look it, I often don’t act like it, but I am an easily excitable person (conversely, I also get bored very easily). Knowledge, also, have that already, though not all of it or nearly enough of it for my liking. So, I dunno, yeah, accomplishment would be nice.


16-How close is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happy?
Not close at all, though we should be. Did I have a happy childhood? Many would say that the circumstance of my early childhood would point to it being so….happily married, loving parents, but there was so many things going on (a lot of it in my head, mostly due to me taking every damn thing in the whole world personally) that my parents didn’t even know about that I would say no, my childhood for the most part, wasn’t a happy one, though in a certain sense, good in others. Later childhood? Well, it was just flat out fucking awful, if you’ll pardon my language.

17-Do you find it more or less appealing to do something you have never done before?
It all depends on the something and my level of motivation and interest.

18-How old do you want to be when you die? Why?
Who says I want to die? Why do people always make an assumption that such-and-such a time, day, place or year would be a ‘good day to die’, as the Klingons would say. No. As Ice-Cube and Korn so eloquently put it….Fuck dying.

19-If you could take a one month vacation anywhere in the world and money were not a consideration, where would you go and what would you do?
Australia, Gold Coast most likely. Or Canada. Or Egypt. What would I do in Australia? No plans, just see what happens when I get there. Canada: Visit friends and do the Trans-Canadian rail trip. Egypt: Explore.

20-Would you be willing to reduce your life expectancy by five years to become extremely attractive?
Yes, already reducing my life expectancy supposedly by 10 years by being over weight, so if I swap that for attractiveness, essentially, I’d be gaining 5.  

21-What do you think is your best physical feature? Your best inner quality?
I don’t have any good physical features. At all, so the question is moot. Inner quality….dunno, not really for me to judge.

22-Are you self-confident? Do you consider yourself vain or arrogant?
I am far to pig ugly and useless to be confident about anything. Vain? Ditto. Arrogant, strangely, yes, sometimes. Often in spades lol.

23-What is your most embarrassing moment from your past?
Too many to mention.

24-How many different sexual partners have you had in your life? Would you prefer to have had more or fewer?
No-one is going to believe me when I say only 3, and one of them is in question (alcohol really does numb recollection), though I have been with current partner for 15 years (excluding 3 months, but that’s a long story). As I said before, not particularly attractive, not the kind of guy that women will really go for. I know woman will spout the ‘someone will see the real you’ line, to an extent that’s true, but in my experience, don’t let women fool you, they are as shallow as the rest of us, if they don’t like the exterior, they ain’t going to be interested in shit, never mind finding the ‘real you’. Human nature really. Rambling aside, yes, I would have liked more, even though it is silly. After all, it’s quality, not quantity, right?

25-Have you ever considered suicide? What is so important to you that without it life would not be worth living?
Considered it and nearly done it, several times. Even had all the pills out, in my hands, ready to go. People who say killing yourself is the easy way out don’t realize how wrong they are and how badly depression and the states of mind and emotion are that drives you to such a point can be.

26-If your friends and acquaintances were willing to bluntly and honestly tell you what they really thought of you, would you want them to?
Couldn’t care less. They could never say anything I haven’t thought myself nor could they say anything worse than what I have thought of myself. Not even close.

27-Do people know the "true" you? If not, why?
I don’t even know the true me, so what chance does anyone else have?

28-Who is the most important person in your life? What could you do to make that relationship better? Will you ever do it?
My daughter and my partner. There is always ways to improve things. Nothing is every perfect.

29-If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
Nothing really wrong with the way I was raised, all my issues we either outwith my parents or were internal problems, things wrong within myself springing from my own thinking and my own feeling, some of which was linked to that which was occurring outwith my parents. That’s all I can say on that.

30-Do you believe in any sort of God or god or goddess?
Jury is still out on that one.

31-Would you like to know the precise date and time of your death?
Not particularly.

32-Do you have a favorite sexual fantasy? Would you want it fulfilled for real? What is it?
Yes I do. Several. Would you want if fulfilled for real? Of course. What is it. There is the obvious one…threesome, which I have never done. Two woman, one guy (me, obviously). Main fantasy though….I would love to do zero-g sex. Not likely to happen though.

33-When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?
By myself, very regular, very recent. In front of someone else? Can’t remember.

34-What do you value most in a relationship?
I value everything about a relationship.

35-Do you judge others by a higher or lower standard than you use to judge yourself?
Higher. I couldn’t judge anyone as low as I judge myself.

36-If for the next two years you would be stranded along with enough provisions to last you and one other person, whom would you pick?
My partner obviously. It’s not like we do much now as it is, so it’s like being stranded already in a lot of ways. We don’t get out much lol

37-If you had the choice of one true soulmate but no friends or no soulmate and many friends and acquaintances, which would you pick?
Soulmate.

38-You became involved romantically with a person but after six months you realize you need to end the relationship. If you were certain that the other person would commit suicide if you were to leave but were also certain that you could not be happy wit that person what would you do?
Talk to them about it. If that didn’t work, section them (get them committed) then leave. I know, a bit heartless, but it’s the only way to ensure their personal safety and my own.

39-Do you consider yourself attractive? Sexy?
Hell no and hell no.

40-What things do you consider to personal to discuss with others?
On the internet. Personal details. Names, addresses, phone numbers. In real life, it depends on the situation and who you are discussing things with.

41-How many times during the day do you look at yourself in the mirror? What do you think of how you appear?
As little as possible and what the disgust that I feel wouldn’t be printable here.

42-What is your greatest fear?
Failure, success. Knowing too little. Knowing too much. Oh yeah, and people. I’m agoraphobic.

43-How many of your current friendships have lasted more than five years? Ten years? Which of your current friends do you think will still be important to you in ten years?
Relationship with partner has lasted 15 years (bar 3 months), same with longest friend. Don’t have a huge circle of friends, lost contact with most people over the years and never really gained many new friends (except online…I know, how sad is that?)

44-Who do you have a crush on?
A few people, though being over 30, I don’t think ‘crush’ is the word that is used.

45-How old were you when you first had sexual intercourse? Do you wish you had started earlier or waited longer?
As per the answer above (not being attractive, at all, as far as I’m aware, to the opposite sex), first time I was 17 but had an extended dry spell after that until I was 22. Started earlier or waited longer was neither here nor there. Any earlier than 17 would’ve probably been too young. Any older than 18, I would probably have been laughed it (it’s a ‘guy mentality’ thing).

46-For $1,000,000 would you be willing to never see or communicate with your best friend ever again?
In a word, no.

47-What do you like best about your life? Least?
Again, not a favourites kind of guy, so I couldn’t say what I like best. That which I like, I like, that which I don’t, well, I can certainly provide you with a long list of that lol.

48-When you are given a compliment do you usually acknowledge it or suggest that you do not really deserve it?
I never acknowledge it. I either suggest I don’t deserve it, don’t believe it, argue against it,  or ignore it, completely disbelieving that someone would think such a thing.

49-Do you feel you have much impact on the lives of people you come in contact with? Can you think of anyone who, over a short period of time, significantly influenced your life?
I’m not sure the impact I have is something I could accurately judge. A lot of people have influenced me over a short period of time. For the good and for the bad. Some that spring to mind is the whole group of guys I did my training in the Armed Forces with when I was 17. I was only there for about 6 months and I bailed out just before my training was complete (for various reasons) but they will always be with me on some level. It’s amazing how tight you get in that situation over such a short period of time.

50-When you are with your friends, do your interactions include much touching (hugging, kissing, holding hands, play fighting, back rubs, etc)? Would you want to have more of this?
Not really. Again, I’m a guy, so we have to abide by ‘guy rules’ over such things lol

51-Of all the people close to you, whose death would you find most disturbing?
I would find the death of anyone close to me disturbing. My daughter the most, though.

52-What is your biggest disappointment in life? Your biggest failure?
Me, myself and I.

53-In conversations, do you tend to listen more or talk more?
Listen.

54-Relative to the population at large, how do you rate your physical attractiveness? Your intelligence? Your personality?
Physical attractiveness: Is it possible to do negative numbers? If not, then 0.
Intelligence: 7
Personality: 4

55-If you could script the basic plot for the dream you will have tonight, what would it be?
I shall keep that one to myself. Too personal.

56-If you could go back and change one thing in your past, what would it be? How would your life differ now after the alteration?
As I said in an above answer, I am a regretful guy who dwells on things and often never lets things go, so there are many things I would change, none of which I can pick above the other. How would it change things? Who knows? If I knew that and if it was positive, I would have already done everything in my power to change it. So, despite regrets and dwelling on things, I will never know how they could turn out if I changed them, for all I know, things could be worse.

57-If a crystal ball would tell you the truth about any one thing you wished to know about yourself, life, the future, the past or anything else what would you want to know? Why?
Quite a few things. All the usual big questions: Is there a God, why are we here etc etc. Some personal questions like Was I cheated on more than I know of? Why did she get rid of me? (I was adopted), and at least one other which is too personal for me to go into.

58-If you were guaranteed honest responses to three questions, who would you ask the questions and what would they be?
Two of those questions are above, the third one would likely be ‘Who is my father?’

59-Have you ever been attracted to a member of the same sex? How did you deal with it?
Not that I know of, not consciously at any rate.

60-How would you like to be remembered after you die?
The best ruler the world has ever known lol. Not sure, good dad. Good lover, great in bed lol. It’s not something I’ve thought about much….like more than 4 people are going to remember me anyway.

61-Do you care about what others think of you? Friends? Family? Your boss? Strangers?
Yes and no. I think we like to think that we don’t care, but really at least on some level we all do.

62-Do you like your body? What, if anything would you change about it?
No. Can’t stand any of it, thus would change everything.

63-Are you able to separate sex from love?
I’m not sure, for the last 15 years they have been intrinsically linked, I haven’t been able to have the one without the other, so for me to answer that, I would have to go out and field test lol.

64-What is your favorite part of your day?
I prefer nighttime, when it’s quieter.

65-If you could meet any person, whom would you pick? To be friends with? To marry?
Too many I would like to meet. To be friends with? Again, too many, a long, long list of people. Mike Muir (frontman with Suicidal Tendencies), Kurt Windstein (main man in Crowbar), The Undertaker (wrestler), lots of people I have met online. Marry? I wouldn’t mind a rather large harem, failing that, I wouldn’t marry anyone other than my partner, but it’s not something that we believe in, nor is it overly important. Don’t need a piece of paper or an oath to a possible fictitious deity to prove how much we love each other.

66-What is your "theme song" for your life and why?
Have a few, depending on mood, or situation (yes, I am that sad, sad enough to have a theme tune for different situations lol)
Usually the main one is ‘Planets Collide’ by Crowbar, or another personal fave is ‘You Know (I’ll Live Again), again, by Crowbar. Also ‘This Is Not An Exit’ by Anthrax has always been pretty relevant, and ‘Taking The World By Storm’ by Kataklysm is getting there.

67-Would you want to be extremely rich? Why or why not?
Of course. A comfortable, secure and interesting life (as lots of money would certainly open up many interesting opportunities) is very appealing.

68-Do you believe in love at first sight? Why or why not?
Yes, to a degree I do as it happened to me many years ago.

69-What is your biggest vice?
Food or sex.

70-Is there someone in your life who you wish you were closer to? Why aren't you?
A few. Circumstance gets in the way.

71-Do you hold grudges for a long period of time?
Yes, but usually only against myself.

72-Are you prejudiced to some degree about race, sexuality, religion or anything else?
I would say no, but everyone is prejudiced to some degree about something, even if either don’t realize it or don’t do it consciously. Something we say or do is likely to be found insulting or prejudiced by someone. I don’t consider myself ‘prejudiced’ as such, but I do have views on some of the larger organized religions, and definitely on some of the people that follow them and they ways they do it and treat other people that some would find prejudiced, I’m sure.

73-When in your life were you most content with yourself?
I’ve never been at ease with myself.

74-If you knew you could devote yourself to any one single occupation- music, writing, acting, business, politics, medicine, etc.- and be among the best and most successful in the world at it, what would you choose and why?
Would love to be a good musician, that would be great, alas I have no skill in that area at all. Other than that, writing, whether that be fiction: Novels, screenplays, scripts, poetry or non-fiction, I’m not all that fussed, again though, no real skill in any of those areas.

75-You and a person you love deeply are placed in separate rooms with a button next to each of you. You know that you will both be killed unless one of you presses your button before 60 minutes pass; furthermore, the first person to press the button will save the other person but will be killed immediately. What do you think you would do?

I would press the button before the other person even had the chance to contemplate anything.