the surroundings were ethereal
almost dream-like
in an unknown reality
his touch was soft and kind
I didn't know then that
the eve of my death
was this night
his lips lingered on mine
as he gave me uneven kisses
each kiss had a putrid taste
I should have known that this was good-bye
that he was too much for me
that his soft green eyes
were his genial, subtle
way of hiding who he truly was
the enigma of my violent nightmares
he didn't stop the sloppy kisses
before the knife lusted after my skin
I could feel the cold steal on
my naked skin, I thought it was a game
2:46 A.M.
my wine colored blood
stained the couch
instead of pooling
it filled the fabric
the knife stuck
in the couch
as my body lay on the floor
my violent nightmare
come true at last
Author notes
Im going with option 6 with this one.
In a list
A contest entry
- Open for all Poets! by Electric Elle.
2000 points, ended July 18, 2009, 28 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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OH my god, AWESOME! It is so shockingly brutal and dark. It is almost a stark contrast the way you can write about love and his soft touch, yet twist in the knife and the blood and pain. You show true talent for writing. Great poetic flow and ability here. Thanks for entering
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Wow
This is violent and well written, I love the style you wrote it in and the way you ended it was great. The last stanza was amazing to me.
It all flowed so well together and the ending was perfect as I said before.
Love it difficult..it hurts so bad sometimes it feels you are dying...thats what this piece made me feel...obviously you aren't dead but when relationships ende...a piece of us dies with them. You put so much into something...when it falls apart all of the love and emotion you put into it..crumbles aswell.
well done, and thanks for entering,
-Dusty-
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Ahh..this is really very edgy poetry and the immages are very sharp..and yes the dfeelings behind are very sad and painful as well..buat the poetry is very well made...
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Blood curdling write, very dark and mystical. I would consider writing it in prose style though instead of this format.
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funny that you say to change the format im actually going to but it wont be in a prose format
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awsomely awsomeness
holly shit i love it lol u wright so awsome wat gave u this idea -
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the idea came from a nightmare i had believe it or not
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very good!
i love A LOT of your lines in here! my fav was "the knife lusted for my skin". my impression was that he was seductive at first, then nasty. HAHA! i loved it!
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This is very dark. I am a rhyming poet, I cant offer much criticism on the poem. I thought it was well done. I would leave it centered the way you have it though.
Mike
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OOOhhh i like this as always, im glad you posted another item. this is very good, and the imagery is great, i like the layout as it is. xx
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Euuuw, this is creepy, basically well penned but I'd left align if I were you and maybe consider a prose format.
That's all,
mj.
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