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Once Red Roses

my roses sit in a vase
encrusted with dust
they are no longer their
piercing red color
they've turned into
a muted black

my roses are black
and caked with regret
our memories entangled
in each brittle petal
there was love and devotion
but now it's gone
just like the pigment
of my once red roses

Author notes

eh... this one sucks....my attempt at a love poem...ha

What did you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 11 of 11

  • MichaelLeeSmyth
    February 26, 2009

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    This does not suck, besides anything that sucks cannot be all bad now can it? Sometimes the love and devotion just fade away, by the time we realize something is wrong it is all too late to do anything about it.


  • PrabhuDayal Khattar silver member
    February 20, 2009

    Edit | Reply
    Ah..this is what the life is and one can't escape from it..we all can relate with it if it is concerned with the stories of the heart..very touching one..


  • falloutgirl1989
    February 9, 2009
    Edit | Reply

    awesome!

    this is very spiritual and deep! and i love roses! haha! very nice!


  • brokenangel78
    February 6, 2009
    Edit | Reply
    Well i liked it, the imagery is great and i love the image of black roses. xx


  • Lowell Poe
    February 6, 2009

    Edit | Reply
    Love fades lass.....
    so sad......
    but hearts were meant to break
    and mend and break again...
    never regret love or being loved...
    regret is a futile emotion.......
    like spilling your last drink when all the pubs are closed...
    you knew you should have gone out to get more..
    but you were having to much fun.
    The thought of fading flowers in a vase is just a sign of what was....
    rejuvenation is loves way of mending..
    they say luv can build a bridge between hearts...
    there is so mush time lass....
    so many bridges to burn.

    Simply beautiful,
    I love your heart lass,
    be not afraid,
    it will shine in the darkest night,
    i can see it from here gypsy,
    Lowell

  • msbeeautch2u
    February 5, 2009

    Edit | Reply

    good

    I don't think it sucks. Other than the "pedal" thing, i actually think its good. I rather like the short and to the point poems. With this one you show how love can start all pretty and sweet, but with time, and sometimes a very short time, can become withered and sour, and you did it in just 14 short lines. It is very relatable to me, and probably to alot of others, so to me...its a good piece!!


  • shiratikva
    February 5, 2009

    Edit | Reply
    It's not a "pettle" and not a "pedal". I guess you mean ''brittle petal''.
    There is very interesting imagery of the rose keep memories.
    I like it.


  • Broken-Rickie
    February 5, 2009

    Edit | Reply
    It's short and simple, but I think it could be stronger. Also check your spelling. Pettle should be pedal. Overall it's good, but needs some work. If I was writing it, I would write "they are no longer
    their piercing red color"
    and I would write "caked with regret"


    • DeadlyPoetic88
      February 6, 2009
      Edit | Reply
      the thing is.. this one means much more to me the way it is.,.
      its not always about the poem being perfect. i worry about that with my other pieces

1 - 11 of 11