If you can claim the art of heartfelt healing
applying due respect to all you do;
If you can alter sense of sinking feeling
denying all that’s false is really true.
If you can soar above that combat ceiling
see tit-for-tat soon vanish in the blue -
If you can pray for faith by never kneeling,
revealing still - you know who sees you through.
If what you sense is not all that you’re sharing
or what you write, dispassionate at best.
If when in doubt with views you find despairing
you know those signs define the devil dressed.
If just the facts include that old red herring
or conversations lack the lust of zest,
If you take note of crude or overbearing
make time to find a quiet place to rest.
If you can sort grand logic from illusion -
court visions vested much like counting sheep,
If you can turn aside foregone conclusion
and seek sublime although that path is steep;
If you can plan ahead - avoid confusion
by making lists of promises to keep,
If you can see the stealth of friendly fusion
you’ll heed that wealth of thought in twilight sleep.
If you can recognize an eye related,
And hear how wise will share those clues with you;
If you can pause while senses stand elated
To ponder cause for wonder coming through -
If what you feel is secret knowledge mated
Then what you think must certainly be true!
If mystery for life seems overrated
then think again, for love’s inside of you ...
© 2009 Joy A Burki-Watson
Author notes
"If you can keep your head when all about you
are losing theirs and blaming it on you." Rudyard-Kipling
http://oldpoetry.com/opoem/2940-Rudyard-Kipling-If----
A contest entry
- INSPIRATION AND MOTIVATION by Judith Chandler.
550 points, ended February 23, 2009, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Make me Feel something Real by BearWoman.
1050 points, ended April 11, 2009, 36 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Telos - positive poetry - 3000pts up for grabs+ honorable mentions by Isi.
3000 points, ended June 29, 2009, 25 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
All comments are appreciated
Comments
1 - 27 of 27
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I entered the gates of this empire ALLPOETRY — intending to visit its gardens — and willing to find a beautiful rare flower, and I saw an arrow pointing to this Castle Poetry, where all nine Muses enjoy to accompany its Lady Poet. It has a bountiful garden with many flowers to enchant the hummingbirds of my mind; and to aliment the bees of my soul wiith their nectar.
Viva the Muses!
Allow me first to send my salutations and benisons to the Sovereign Lady Poet, and wish her a long healthy creative life. May Mother-Poet keep feeding the humanity of her mind to nourish the eternity of her Soul.
“You Can Think Too!” is a work of art by any standard of the major art. A poetic feast decorated with fresh orchids.
A nobel composition honoring the Poet author of “IF”; — the language and Poetry. A poem that enriches the mind and the soul — for its aesthetic richness; poetic sustainability and harmonious musicality.
Much gratitude to the author of "You Can Think Too!" for sharing this wonderful PRARAPHRASE that makes The American Fine Letters glow.
In respect and admiration,
Andre Emmanuel Bendavi ben-YEHU
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I'm back from reading your profile page, and have more critical comments to make on this poem, if you'll permit them. Often I withhold judgement for many reasons, usually where the poem seems so well written that I have nothing much to say. Here I have a few thoughts:
There are a few places where you seem to have sacrificed a word or two to make the remaining words fit the rhythm. For example: "If you can alter sense of sinking feeling" - seems like it should be "If you can alter that sense...". Also: "hear how wise will share" - hear how the wise will share?
The other thing is the way you have punctuated the poem. The original prolongs sentence length by using semicolons and commas. You occasionally break the sentences up with full stops, resulting in fragments beginning with "If..." that don't stand as full sentences on their own.
For example, the second verse would flow better as:
"If what you sense is not all that you’re sharing
or what you write, dispassionate at best;
If when in doubt with views you find despairing
you know those signs define the devil dressed:
If just the facts include that old red herring
or conversations lack the lust of zest,
If you take note of crude or overbearing -
make time to find a quiet place to rest."
Your choice of words is great and my favourite lines would have to be "If you can sort grand logic from illusion - / court visions vested much like counting sheep". -
A slick poem and well written with great rhyme choices. The original has lent itself to a pretty comprehensive transformation in your hands.
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Yes!
Joy, this is wonderful! You capture the cadence and the whole spirit of old Ruyard! That per se is not terribly hard--it was a very smooth style. But you took If, and pretty much added verses. It is close to seamless in how it matches what he said.
That is what I liked best.
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I like! I'm not a big fan of Kipling but I like what you have done here. I think it's a wonderful study in epanaphora and you kept my interest with wonderful flow and content.
Love,
Amera♥
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i am impressed with this effort; and not just for its rhythm-for-rhythm pattern and parody, but the sheer amount of words it took to complete this work...! kipling is
someone i scanned the pages and did not study! you've changed my mind for me!
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Love the original
and loved this. I thought the rhyme and meter perfect. I enjoy Kipling and of course his Sussex by the sea as I live here. I went off him as a person after the documentary about him using his influence to get his son who was virtually blind into the army during the war.
His poem 'My Boy Jack' made me angry.
good luck in the contest
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I clicked onto this poem firstly because "If" is one of my favorite poems.
You've done it great justice with your piece. I like how it flowed. Somehow I seemed to feel Kipling standing over your shoulder nodding his head in agreement.. I enjoyed this read.
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Delightful
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Congratulations on the Emerald Cup!
Awesome - Love it!! I believe this is worthy of the golden chalice myself, but I'm not the judge. Great work, Joy. I'm wishing you all the best!!! 
Peace & Hugs,
xx Cyn xx
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This is an amazing poem, both in form and content. And I feel it's more a tribute to the If poem than it is a parody. The form is a little different, because where in Kipling's poem we await the answer at the end, your poem answer some ifs along the way. But your flow and rhyme blows me away, it's flawless
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This is very wonderfully written. I wrote a poem once called "If I am Allowed" which reminded me of this one of yours...it is one of my first and a favoriet one...if you are interested in readin it..
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This is quite the tribute to Kipling's "If"
It's always nice to read rhymes by people who know how to do it the right way! (which is why you'll rarely see me attempt!
) There was a balance and consistancy in the flow that would lend this to being a poem "well-spoken", i think.
i don't see any awkward sounding lines or anything to point out to fix. thankyou for sharing these words of wisdom with AP!! It was inspiring to read
~n
va
ps. thank you for the comments!! -
Wonderful!
This is wonderful! I love it!
"If" only I could access more of those suppositions at this time... *sigh*
Thank you very much for sharing this with me. It made me , and if I had more brains online, I know I would be pondering much more than I am.
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A very good parody in my opinion and God bless you for having written something so intelligent, such a change for the sinful writing here!
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oh my..absolutely fantastic adaptation of a poem that has always been very close to my heart..! when i was 8, my father taught "If" to my younger brother and myself, and through all of our respective journeys, the three of us have always come back to it..
..i would like to share your version with my father if i may, as i feel it beautifully encapsulates so many of the ideas that i have been trying to share with him for so long now...you have taken If and stepped it up a notch into the realm of the spirit rather than worldly advice, and this, to me, is utterly amazing!
thank you so much for writing this...you have just made my week.
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Some good maxims here. I like "the devil dressed" and the conversation that has lost it zest and the making of lists. I especially liked the sound of "pray for faith by never kneeling."
I think "allusion" in verse three should be 'illusion" and I will give you a chance to remedy that, if you like.
Thank you for entering my contest. -
Absolutely fabulous...!
there is just so much in this, I am overwhelmed...a work of art indeed penned by a true artist indeed
I'm going to save this for future pondering
I think Kipling would have applauded!
J
hn
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No idea how I missed this one. Multiple posts maybe. Very Kiplingesque. I of course know the source though I was always more into his fiction, understandably.
Man, you paint a desperate picture because I've never known an individual who can come close to that standard. They've all fallen far short. I'm not even sure such soundness of mind is possible by such fallible creatures.
It's not really so much a parody (for to me, a parody choose to ridicule in some fashion) as it is a re-working of the style.
But the main thrust is to see life, the beauty of it. I am trying, I really am, but sometimes it isn't easy.
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wonderful
wonderful flow of words. This is very positive piece of work. I love the rhyme scheme. It was a pleasure to read your poem. It was really a good piece .
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Von posted the link on OP and I'm glad I've followed it, for this poem of yours is simply wonderful!
Terrific job done here Joy
Mari
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If I can hold the hand that's leading
'til shadows breach that distant shore
I think I'd have a chance of greeting
this poet's dream and so much more
As always, your poetry is inspirational.
Sincerely,
Leo Long
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Often parodies tend to aim for a humorous approach, which can be heavy-handed, but yours I would classify as an admiring attempt at writing in the same style as Kipling - a serious attempt and not humorous. In this you have been completely successful, and your flow and rhyming are first-class.
Excellent,
Bill
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Joy what a beautiful Parody of my most favourite poem. I have loved "IF" from the first time that I read it and your words here do this excellent poem true justice....Love this one my friend, very much...mal
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good stuff
I really like a lot of this,
the depth of understanding that which
eludes many minds is a sense of wisdom which I enjoy... I don't think I can offer constructive criticism since this is a parody. Maybe take another look at the ending, I felt it could have been stronger. I'm going to go read the original now.
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'...If you can turn aside foregone conclusion..."
Ah, the open mind, the priceless prize!
joy, this is a wondrous piece,
a collection of your wisdom,
your spirit and your poetic skill.
Kudos to you, many, many!
But you set my mind on a tangent
to the tie-dye colors of the seventies...
"If a picture paints a thousand words
then why can't I paint you..."
Can you hear it?
M-C
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Bravo! Bravo! Joy you have put so much work into this, Rudyard would be mighty impressed i reckon! Very good lines to make us think on the quality and mystery of life. Von ~ Oldpoetry
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