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Torn Asunder(work in progress)

(verse 1)
As I wandered through the blinding dark I found you
A beacon guiding me out of obscurity
Like a child I was lost I was consumed
My angel now descended to save me

 

We didn't have rings, it didn't mater

We didn't have a church, we didn't care

Little did we know, soon after

That we'd drift apart beyond repair

 

(Chorus)
Downward I fall
Sometimes I wonder
If it's worth it all
As I'm torn asunder

Ripped apart at the seams
In a deafening thunder
My sanity was just a dream
And now I'm torn asunder

(breakdown)

I can't handle, thoughts preamble, darkness yet to come
What I feel is no less real than where I'm from

Sometimes I feel like I'm out of my mind
Staring in at all my sins, at all my life

But I fight back my demons, sometimes to no avail
I find myself screaming, mostly when no one's there

 

(verse 2)

I wasn't there for you in your time of greatest need

Left you alone and I can never take it back

It's no wonder sometimes now you hate me

Or loose control and just go on attack

 

Ten thousand times I've apologized

Ten thousand more won't make it right

I cut you deep, scarred you for life

Now I take my leave, trust me, I'm not worth the fight

 

(Chorus)
Downward I fall
Sometimes I wonder
If it's worth it all
As I'm torn asunder

Ripped apart at the seams
In a deafening thunder
My sanity was just a dream
And now I'm torn asunder

A contest entry

with any luck these will be lyrics let me know if you could hear this as a song

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 7 of 7
  • Cermionie
    February 22

    Edit | Reply
    I could definetly hear this as a song. It's pretty sad. I hope it wouldn't be a screamo song, that would take away from the meaning of the lyrics. In my opinion. This is really good. I liked it. I liked the story form and the feeling you put in. Very nice job.


    • TornAsunder
      February 23
      Edit | Reply
      No, definitely not screamo. Grungy, harsh, a bit of metal edge, no screamo crap.
      Thank you

  • evelynxxoo
    February 16
    Edit | Reply

    i think it was great to know were you went wrong and try to fix it love is cruel sometimes all we have is time on our side to get the other person to know you are sorry


  • Bgant84
    February 16

    Edit | Reply

    pretty good

    sounds like cool lyrics... a bit like stuff i felt back in the day... things will get better... don't really look that we'll ever get music going again


  • AsSkiesTurnBlack
    February 6
    Edit | Reply
    A Trivium fan I think.


    These'd make good lyrics, bring the thunder


  • Treasure 5 gold member
    February 5

    Edit | Reply

    wow

    It sounds like your describing me when I was a falling down drunk. Many moons a go. I once loved the fire water. It was a real pleasure to read your work.

  • ElectricBloom
    February 5

    Edit | Reply
    A powerful write.
    Excellent description and imagery, I especially like the final 2 stanzas.
    If this is work in progress I can't wait to see the final version!

    ElectricBloom

1 - 7 of 7