“You must learn to carry
the burdens of a stretched and thinning sky,”
my mother says
as she affixes sand to firmament
and instructs me to begin
my count—when the stars glitter
glass-like and cease to burn
their fading heat will declare
to me my lessons finished learning.
The skyline broadens itself on my back,
flattening exponentially
so one thousand horizons will layer
themselves to become an atmospheric afikomen,
then crack and hide in the notches of my spine;
the borderless atoms of every cloud
will form the columns that uphold
my bodily architecture, provide the latticework
for 613 castles—
each built on earth I’ve tread,
some will crumble,
but some stay fast and grow
further in my marrow with every planted step.
It is my atlas task to breathe
in every world-sized molecule of air
and use their heavy gifts
to become a better architect
and save each precious fragment
of my reconstructing sky
to shore myself as needed
amongst my palaces and ruins.
Author notes
Author Name: Cool Jew
So, character (and character-building) automatically makes me think of one of my mother’s favorite pieces of advice: “broaden your horizons!” I ended up exploring that phrase literally, and tackling the construct of my character (built from a hodge-podge of different influences) and to a lesser extent, the character of modern (especially reform) Judaism still mostly in the midst of a 2000 year diaspora.
First stanza references a passage in the Torah when G-d tells Abraham that his descendants will be numerous as grains of sand or stars in the sky. Afikomen is a piece of matzoh during a seder that’s broken off and hidden somewhere—later, the kid who finds it gets a prize. 613 references 613 commandments in the Torah, many completely irrelevant in modern times.
The last few lines reference a line from The Waste Land: “These fragments I have shored against my ruins.” (“What the Thunder Said”, line 431)
All comments and criticism very welcome.
A contest entry
- November Rounds #4 by CitrineSunrise.
700 points, ended February 7, 5 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Thanks....
....for the Notes. Even so, I did not mean much to me, though oddly, it did remind me of the tortuous process of putting ceiling-paper up! Sorry!!
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I really enjoyed this, i have the sense of the human race in a diaspora spreading across this world and then to another... wonderful use of symbols, cultural knowledge, wisdom and imagery...PK
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Every poem of yours is a lesson that I love to learn. You are able to incorporate so many disparate influences - from literature to religion, philosopy to music, and create a memorable whole. You have shared a part of your personal history and the imagery was beautiful. Thank you for your entry, and I look forward to your poem in the next round. Peace, Liz
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