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The Window to My Soul

I knew you once.

I knew your body,
I knew your smile,
I knew your walk,
I knew your voice,
I knew your laugh,
I knew your cry.

But no longer.

And now I walk through the shadowy world of my memories
lost in the depression of my "real" life
choosing to look through the shadows in my mind
to find something hidden within.

I've lost you, that I know.

I will never hold you in my arms again, not on this earth.
I will never see your smile in front of me unless I hold a picture.
I will never hear the tread of footsteps as you turn my way.
I will never hear the voice that my ears yearn to hear.
I will never hear your tinkling laughter, except in my dreams.
I will never comfort you while you cry, for now it is my turn to weep.

I will never forget you.

I walk through a dark forest, wondering where I am
and realizing that I no longer care.
I linger in this place for it has your essence in it
so the darkness is permeated with light.
The trees whisper your name, which tears at my heart.
I torture myself so because somehow, I can feel you within my soul.
In the rustling branches there is a window
where light shines from the place beyond.
I can see your face in this better land.
You no longer suffer, only I am hurt.
You look at me with desperation, crying out to see my pain.
I could hide and let you rest in peace, but I am too selfish.
A glance of you is too good a bait.
You will never fade from my memories
and we will meet someday in that land that I see
through the window to my soul.

Author notes

C: http://childofthenocht.deviantart.com/art/A-Window-to-the-Soul-v-3-111678944

Option 5-sad poetry

Option 1-Make me hurt

Ap Name-Pinksnowboots

29. Tell me about an emotion: loneliness

In a list

A contest entry

How can I change this to make it better?

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 16 of 16

  • Oh.My.Juliet
    April 2
    Edit | Reply
    Unique, great work! Keep it up (:


  • GypsyEyes
    March 26

    Edit | Reply
    very sad but the emotion is easy to connect with. i really liked the flow of the poem. and the 'i will never' lines. thank you so much for entering my contest and i wish you the best of luck! ~CarnalNineTailedFox


  • serenity silvermoon
    March 4
    Edit | Reply
    different i like it good luck


  • poet360
    March 2

    Edit | Reply
    this is an incredibly powerful piece. you were able to convey emotions very well, something not everybody can do. great write!
    good luck in the contest!


  • stargardt13
    February 28

    Edit | Reply
    this was a very sad, powerful peice. i felt your sadness and despair strongly through this. thanks for entering my contest. good luck.


  • Xx.Toxic.xX
    February 25
    Edit | Reply
    the hope of regaining that which you have lost is clear in this piece. i loved it.


  • Lyndon gold member
    February 24

    Edit | Reply

    My word this poem has had some outings.

    It is not clear as to whether you have lost a soul-mate in death or through circumstance. Whatever, this does not prevent one for hope of a supernatural reunion one day.
    This is a confessional love poem. And, it is well-delivered.
    Repetition is made much of in your poem. It drives home the obsessional experience where you cannot move on.
    Thank you for entering my contest. Ron.


  • Sandi Alford gold member
    February 24

    Edit | Reply
    You've written real sadness here felt after loosing a loved one to death. The endless list of 'things' and realization no longer able to accomplish, seeing them in everything of surrounds. You have catured the essence of loss indeed.

    Best wishes
    Blessings, Sandi


  • The Reapers Angel
    February 23

    Edit | Reply
    I love how deep and tragic this poem is, these are my favorite lines;
    "The trees whisper your name, which tears at my heart.
    I torture myself so because somehow, I can feel you within my soul.
    In the rustling branches there is a window
    where light shines from the place beyond.
    I can see your face in this better land.
    You no longer suffer, only I am hurt."

    Beautiful, thank you for your entry.

  • SimplySonnets gold member
    February 22

    Edit | Reply

    A Great Poem on Loss.

    Liked this charming heart warming full of humanity poem.Its unfair to ask how someone may improve on such a personal write, although I do understand your motives, I love the repeated short lists, they kind of supply to me a great intensity.

    I walk through a dark forest, wondering where I am
    and realizing that I no longer care.

    What failed or lost lover has not been in these foot prints, they certainly haunt my memory.

    The trees whisper your name, which tears at my heart.
    I torture myself so because somehow, I can feel you within my soul.

    your use of the wonderful soft words whisper,trees heart, soul, with the harder torture and tears, combine in a unison which is a delight.

    A lovely memorable read, thank you



  • xxRainbowDawnxx
    February 21

    Edit | Reply
    Awww I know how horrible it can be when you feel that you have lost someone, or something forever and there is no possible way of changing it. I know I've gone through this enough times, more times than birthdays I've had actually. Reminds me a little bit of me if I'm honest.


  • Xxnightmare21xx
    February 21

    Edit | Reply
    Well first off, Thank you for entering my contest. its greatly appriciated. You could probably space out your stanza's to make them easier to read. That would help. It was a great poem. thank you for entering.

    Your Judge

    kaycee


  • Kathraina silver member
    February 16
    Edit | Reply
    Ooh I remember this one!
    Very strong you've written here.
    thanks for entering

    ♥ Kathraina

  • Kathraina silver member
    February 14

    Edit | Reply
    Wow this is absolutely fantastic!
    A marvelous piece, I love the construction,
    it really helps the statement being made.
    Great job!

    ♥ Kathraina


  • Mistress Leala silver member
    February 11
    Edit | Reply
    BRAVO!!! This was absolutely stunning. I loved it. Awesome write!


  • HereComesTheSun
    February 5

    Edit | Reply
    Positive: it told a story thank you so much. i love the repetitiveness of "i will never" it really worked with this piece.

    Negative: the poem to me lost a bit of spark when it got to the last stanza

    Suggestions: when you say
    "I knew you once.
    I knew your body,
    I knew your smile,
    I knew your walk,
    I knew your voice,
    I knew your laugh,
    I knew your cry."

    what if you experiment with:
    i knew your body.
    your smile, your walk, your voice, your laugh
    i knew your cry.
    something along those lines.

    i would also scratch the last stanza and end with "i will never forget"

    thanks for entering

1 - 16 of 16