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[caution] trouble ahead. {{relationship on the fritz}}

I.
I feel like we're being ripped apart from eachother

piece by piece

It's killing me inside to watch
I want to be with you,
only you.



II.
nothing matters but to stay on solid ground
but I can't quite find my footholes

Nothing is ever enough for you
I'm never enough for you

When am I ever going to be enough for you?

III.
I wish you could see how loudly I'm screaming

I love you
I want you
I miss you





if only you would take off those headphones and listen....

In a list

A contest entry

what should i change?

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 13 of 13

  • 2lullabyhaven
    March 2
    Edit | Reply
    Most sentimental...thanks for your entry and good luck to you


  • lowercase prelude gold member
    February 19

    Edit | Reply
    The ending line was a sucker punch, full of emotion

    It sucks we a relationship that we cherish so much begins to fall apart before our very eyes


  • peadiotrocity101
    February 11
    Edit | Reply
    out of a 10,I would give it a 6 because I know you can do better


    • jayyniecakes.
      February 11
      Edit | Reply
      I dont care what you think... you're ten! no ten yr old can make a good opinion about poetry unless their a genius... and your far from.
      you dont know anything about poetry and the stuff you write is total crap.
      this poem won two awards.... a silver and a honorable mention.....

      how many awards have you won?

      thats what i thought.

      I'm blocking you because your a douchebag.


  • ChemicalArtemis
    February 10
    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful and amazingly different.


  • LucyLightning
    February 9
    Edit | Reply
    oooo.
    GREAT last line.
    definitely just BAM'd out at you.
    loveit,dude.


  • peadiotrocity101
    February 9
    Edit | Reply
    I think you rushed this,try again to impress me because I know this was not your best
    !
    Grade:C or 83.2


  • HereComesTheSun
    February 8

    Edit | Reply
    Positive: you have the a solid last line "if only you would take off those headphones and listen....". was amazing never saw it coming but you did sew together a very well written poem.

    Negative: i wanted a bit more on the missing him part i mean i understand that emotion ore then anything and you can always milk more out of that emotion

    great write
    thanks for entering


  • poet360
    February 7
    Edit | Reply
    this is awesome! i love the style and the flow.


  • redhanded
    February 6

    Edit | Reply
    this is truly a great write, alot of emotions I can relate too, thanks so much for your entry and best of luck to you in this contest and in the future
    andi
    (redhanded)


  • Silent Emotions
    February 5

    Edit | Reply
    I like how it goes from uncertainty, to anger, to longing. At least those are the emotions that came to mind while reading this.

    I think it really shows how relationships arent always easy.

    nicely done!

1 - 13 of 13