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le soleil

What's more like love than the sun?
impact tremendous;
all life bowing in its presence

Days you yearn to loll in its warmth
  body stretched out in its possibilities
others you doubt its potential
curling up in the pith of shadows

Sometimes it leaves an impression on your skin-
barely skimming the surface
or igniting you to the core

Promising
intoxication torment blithe
and
passion ache melancholy

eternally on the other side of the window;
yours for the taking

abrubt arrival,
swift exit
leaving you breathless in its wake



/*/

Author notes

The title means the 'the sun' in French. I chose French because my bestest amiga J-Dawg takes French.. (yes, I used a translator)

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 21 of 21

  • cubert
    March 30

    Edit | Reply
    I'm with Margaret; I loved the analogy. Imagery I couldn't help but grin at and had tremendous fun imagining. Congrats!


  • MargaretG
    March 30

    Edit | Reply
    I like the analogy of sun and love: bright, warm and generous, with a bit of danger. I enjoyed the play of words and ideas. Congratulations!


  • Lyndon gold member
    March 30

    Edit | Reply

    A French Title

    and at least one critique in French!
    You gave this theme an unexpected outing. The whole poem runs forward from the rhetorical question. May you have good luck in the judging. Lyndon.

  • Underoath23
    March 5
    Edit | Reply
    hey that was great! have you ever thought of publishing anything?


  • GeorgiaRain
    March 4

    Edit | Reply
    Magnifique ! J'ai apprécié vraiment ceci ! Le titre me suis fait vouloir le lire parce qu'il est écrit en français, mais je pense que vous avez l'écrit très bien. Il bien coule et les images sont fantastiques. Bon ecrit!


    • baconlicious112
      March 4

      Edit | Reply
      Thank you! I don't speak really speak French, I just think it's a very lovely language. Thank you for your comment.


      • GeorgiaRain
        March 16
        Edit | Reply
        Oh, sorry. I failed to read your author's notes. I think its a really great poem.

  • mircea
    March 4

    Edit | Reply
    considering the flesh and the power it holds, yes, sun equals love.to this extent, love is nothing more than the innermost sun.
    greetings


  • stargazer.
    March 3

    Edit | Reply
    Originality: (9/10)
    Emotion: (8/10)
    Poetic devices: (16/20)
    Structure/flow: (8/10)
    Cohension: (7/10)
    Title relating to poem: (9/10)
    Personal opinion: (7/10)
    Syntax: (8/10)
    Diction: (8/10)


    Total:80/100


  • jcat gold member
    February 27

    Edit | Reply
    I must confess to being a sun worshiper!!! I can think of nothing better than to bask in all its glory and warmth!! Now I sit here all excited with the anticipation of summer!! Beautifully done and thank you for your entry


  • writebrain
    February 26

    Edit | Reply
    i love this!

    it's very pretty, intelligent, and overall enjoyable!

    thanks a lot for your entry!


  • Samantha Marie
    February 19

    Edit | Reply
    Hmmmm. I like it.
    I think it could have used more imagery though,
    but that's just me, I'm an imagery nut lol.
    Don't change it, it was awesome
    Good luck in the contest, thanks for entering


  • LaVieBohemme
    February 9
    Edit | Reply
    wow. nice job on this. good vocabulary - it adds to the overall meaning. good luck in the contest!!


  • blue-and-eggshell
    February 4

    Edit | Reply
    'imppression' => 'impression'

    Ashley, this is spectacular. I stand amazed at how much you have improved. Could have used a little more metaphor and symbolism, but you know what, wow.



    *Phoebe

1 - 21 of 21