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Impenetrable Walls

No one can see this broken soul beyond reach of a saviour. Across plains of melted charcoal dreams her mind lingers with no entry or exit. Built fake personas slowly chipping away to few who choose to see or care. Circle slowly chalked around the child like form of herself whilst tears spill endlessly and loneliness beats the air from her soul leaving her winded in sorrow and pain helplessly, with arms comforting herself whilst foetal embraces her solemn sanctuary.

The pain cascades through her body as she tremors tears of a thousand years, tears spilt with so much agony that noone could ever feel in severity. Her mind sticks in this place unable to return to the character she had built for herself mentally, all that remains is the hollowness of her compassion and pretend self profused to those around her, for fear they'd ask questions that couldn't possibly be answered.

She make believes that it will be ok to those she loves, but knows what will come in the end. The outter part of her can never be good enough for those close to her, because they refuse to see a little deeper. Her circle remains inpenetrable but blindly to those close to her who refuse to believe they cannot reach her.
It remains the same in the end...

 

 

 

Loneliness

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 24 of 24
  • This is beautiful Lil. This poem is very powerful and lots of emotion there. And you surely deserved the gold trophy, this is more than a masterpiece, it's pure brilliance, and has so much meaning, and always know that I love you ^_^


  • Poetdontknowit
    February 28

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    PRETTY, PRETTY!

    Wow, your imagery ability is outstanding. One of the best in my book. No wonder it won the gold. Well desrved my poetic friend, WELL DESERVED!!!!!!!!!! WOW!
    **************POETDONTKNOWIT****************


  • estbelle gold member
    February 28

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    powerful write...

    oh I feel this...contemplative...there are so may lines that are quotable here, and I couldn't help myself with some

    "Across plains of melted charcoal dreams her mind lingers with no entry or exit."
    "with arms comforting herself whilst foetal embraces her solemn sanctuary."

    then ended it with one word...with such an impact

    sigh with the walls we build...Congrats on the Gold and thanks for the read




  • Ethereal One gold member
    February 27

    Edit | Reply

    powerful write

    Your words are so sad, and so deep in this write.

    I can feel the unspeakable loneliness in every line here, and unfortunately, I do relate to so many of the dark emotions that you speak of in your poem.

    Congratulations on the Gold!

    This is an outstanding piece of writing.

    Jeannette


  • poetryality silver member
    February 22

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    CONGRATULATIONS ON EARNING THE GOLD WITH THIS WINNER!

    I am glad to see you spilling emotions this strongly. Loneliness has its season but know that you are never alone. Life throws so very many curve balls. Even if we strike out, the key is to always swing! Your words allow the readers to feel, identify, and look within. Ache is ache, and one of the best ways to apply the balm of healing is to spill the feelings. Loved this! There is an air of acceptance that knocks down walls here dear heart!

    I LOVE YOU Always ♥

    Grams


  • Desire gold member
    February 16

    Edit | Reply

    Wow~

    Aaaaaaaaaw dang this swells the eyes and Wowzers Your quill has been dancing- spilling ink~ I need to inhale more- it has been too long~ Powerful piece Beautiful- this tugs deep- Painful to read- inhale- More for You
    Congratulations on Your Trophy win!
    -Throws confetti-
    Woooooooooo Hoooooooooooo


    Thank You for sharing Your Heart and Spirit~
    Many blessings to You in all You do Sweet Soul
    Best wishes too
    with much love & light~ Desire~*~


  • memoriesofyou
    February 16
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    one word

    AMAZING. xD


  • PrettyRagDoll
    February 16

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    I love poetry in the style structure that reminds me of a journal entry. I feel like it makes it more personal to me, and that fits, because lonliness is a very personal thing. I felt the sense of desperation, the voice of the lost in the words of this write. The line about the girl wrapping her own arms around herself hit my heart.

    • Moons Lunar Angel
      February 16
      Edit | Reply
      Yeah I prefer to write like that because I can really express myself. Thankyou for your comment it is most appreciated


  • Viyanna Rosemarie silver member
    February 16

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    this is a heartbreaking write from you. congratulations on the gold trophy that you have earned with this write. one thing though: Lonliness should be spelled loneliness. i am looking forward to reading more from you in the near future. viyanna rosemarie


  • Rashida
    February 4

    Edit | Reply
    Very nice poem! I really enjoyed reading it, got wrapped right up in it... though I found when I came across the word "cos" it jolted me out of the mood a bit. I truly feel that using the word "because" would help this piece flow smoothly right through to the end.


  • blueyez
    February 4

    Edit | Reply
    so so sad... I love you!!!!


  • Rose Dark Thorn silver member
    February 4
    Edit | Reply
    I miss and love you more than words can express.

    People care more than you want to admit.

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